This coming week, I will head to the hospital for some regular tests and checkups, but also to learn how to use the bi-weekly Remsima pen, which is similar to a diabetes pen. My hope is, that instead of having to go to the hospital for a drip every eight weeks with a very high dose that knocks me out for days and wears off closer to the next visit, the injection every fortnight will provide a more stable experience.
But, I am not looking forward to giving myself injections.
Last year when I had the stroke, but before they had diagnosed it, they taught me to give injections of something into my stomach in order to help the carotid artery dissection in my neck heal. Once they found out I had had a stroke however, they took me off that (thankfully) as it would have likely killed me instead. But, I had bruises near my navel for about two months from the few injections I gave myself.
I don't like needles.
I have had thousands of needles for various things over the last thirty-odd years of chronic illness and while I don't care about the pain, the "thought of it" hasn't got much easier - especially when they put the canula in for the drip. I am taking the gamble that giving myself this tiny little needle will be better than that experience, plus, it also means not having to go to the hospital for treatment, which saves me a few hours.
However, it is more expensive for me, where I have to pay about 600€ a year for the first shot and then about 3€ for the shots themselves. This medication however is very expensive, so it is heavily subsidized, as is common in Finland and the EU for most medications. The healthcare systems are expensive to operate, but it seems to work for the most part here, with various caveats. It is pretty crazy that some the richest economic countries, can't work out adequate healthcare for their citizens.
But, I am resigned to the fact that I am never going to be fully "healthy" again in my lifetime, so I have to find ways to make the most of the health I have and that time I have available to use it. As I have argued over the space of years, while health might be wealth in many people's eyes to the point that they focus on their health, but let other factors slide, it is difficult to understand how people could feel good being physically healthy, but financially struggling in the world we have.
It is also similar in regards to people saying that money doesn't buy happiness or love, but is it really the case? Generally, it is said by people who don't have money, essentially in an attempt to make themselves feel better, which indicates that they are not happy, otherwise they wouldn't even mention it. And as for love, while it might not be able to buy love, financial hardship is one of the largest stresses on relationships, which means that it can't purchase, but it can be the cause of falling out of love.
Everything has a stress limit before breaking, no matter how strong it is. A diamond can easily scratch steel, but it can also easily be crushed by a hammer - it all depends on conditions.
Relationships are the same, no matter how much "love" or how strong the bonds may seem, apply pressures in the right areas and they will split apart, shatter, melt like butter in the sun. This is even more the case these days, where many of the bonds aren't that strong to begin with and there are far more opportunities available to get out of relationships and find alternatives.
Also, most people these days looking for a relationship want their potential partner to be able to adequately support them in various ways, or at least, support themselves. Is this shallow?
I don't think so.
It is human. We are geared to understand resource scarcity and we are also programmed to fear the loss of what we have. It doesn't matter if what we have is important or not, we feel the losing of it largely the same. And, because we also more highly value what we have created, if we have generated wealth, we will want to protect that wealth, and getting into relationships is a risk for many of the things we value - including the time we have alone and the level of compromise we have to make.
Insert money issues into the mix and our "living conditions" become much harder. Put health problems atop this and they becomes harder again. Managing a relationship between all of the moving parts becomes far more difficult, that if conditions were perfect.
But, perfect conditions just don't exist, no matter what aspect of life we look at, including the perfect partner. I am sure that my wife would far prefer me to be healthier and wealthier than I am now, because it would make her life far easier and take a lot of stress of our relationship, whist giving more possibilities for other things. This doesn't mean that the relationship would necessarily last, because there are other aspects too, but it would reduce the stress load on what we have, giving it more chance.
But, she is currently "stuck" (by choice) with me the way I am, which is far from the perfect person she might have envisaged herself being with when she was young and more naïve than today. But there is also a meta view of the conditions, so focusing on one aspect of life and making it important, will cause problems in other areas of life. It doesn't matter if we focus on our health too much, our wealth too much, or our relationships too much...
Too much is too much.
So, finding a balance is the goal, but in doing so, it means having to compromise on every aspect of life that is important to us. Perhaps "perfect" can exist if looking at it as the perfect balance of imperfection, but even this is going to continually lose its equilibrium, because that perfect balance doesn't live in a solid state or vacuum, it is continually being influenced by everything else and we can never adjust our lives and actions fast enough to hold balance, even if we were able to know that we were doing is the right thing in order to do so.
Personally, my life feels like a lot of work and is a pretty messy, but it is the only one I have and will have, so I try to make the most of it. The "most" however is about value generation, whether it be the value of wealth or the value of time spent with my daughter and family. No matter what aspect we look at, there is a diminishing return on all investments and we have to understand that just like investing into financial instruments, there has to be some level of investment diversity.
Thankfully, most people don't have the conditions of life I have, but that doesn't mean they don't have equally challenging or more challenging conditions to face themselves. But, it is up to each of us to understand what we face and then choose how we face it, and know that no matter what we do, every thing we do is on the spectrum of wrong.
They say that wisdom is being able to apply what you know at the right time. But perhaps, wisdom is knowing that we are always wrong by a degree, no matter how right we might be at any given moment, because by definition, they are momentary, meaning that "right" right now, is wrong a moment later.
Health, wealth and love.
Everything in life is a passing phase.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]