In a couple hours, I will discover my fate in regards to the internal position I applied for. While I am suited for the job, I am not suited to the hiring process anymore and I have been made painfully aware of how far my abilities have slipped in on-the-fly conversations with a lot of open ended discussion on topics I don't yet have a lot of background or clarity on.
This used to be an area where I would excel at during discussions and it is a little sad to have the gap proven unequivocally. This wouldn't stop me from doing the job well enough, but it does make it much harder in many ways. Because of the process so far, I am not expecting to get the job, even though I am suited for it, because the limitations I have will be a hinderance, which makes a negative decision understandable.
Well, let's see on that.
But either way, I am honestly not too fussed, as I have a job with colleagues I really like working with now and this new position wouldn't bring anything new to the table in that regard. While it does have more visibility in the company, that is not something I care much about and in many ways, this is a "selfish" decision to apply for it, because I think that it would be better for my mental health in some ways. However, it will have its detriments too, as it will weed-out and highlight limitations, amplifying shortcomings publicly, with people I don't know.
This makes it risky in many ways, but is this risk something to avoid or embrace? It is hard to say, but at least it will be somewhat trial by fire for my skillset and maybe help me discover deficiencies that are somewhat correctable. I don't think that my brain itself is going to heal much more than it has, which is a pity, as now it means I have to rely more heavily on structure and processes, areas that I am not that great at.
I far prefer the "wing it" approach to most aspects of professional life do not career plan ahead for myself, although I do suggest it for others. A lot of the people I train for example are career-orientated and want to move into different positions up the corporate ladder. This requires planning and strategic thinking about what roles to take and which skills to develop, and while I love helping people accomplish their goals, I don't care about any of that personally myself.
It is good in many ways to have career ambitions though, as while a lot of people are negative on the slave wage, most of us don't actually have a lot of internal drive to improve ourselves outside of work - especially when it comes to skills that can be difficult to obtain and are in demand. We might have endless amounts of time to consume, yet the ability to find 30 minutes a day to support ourselves to fulfill more of our potential, goes begging.
Thirty minutes a day isn't a very long time, but a lot can be accomplished if willing to do a little bit of thought work. For example, yesterday I posted a list of 50 cognitive biases, which would help most people in many ways throughout their life when it comes to the way they think and the decisions they make. In a month and a half of 30 minutes a day, it would be able to spotlight one a day and dive deeper with some research for fifteen minutes and then another 25 minutes thinking of relevant, personal examples that are easy to hook into the memory.
Something like this doesn't change "the world" of results instantly and there is no immediate feedback, but it can have a profound effect on outcomes as time progresses. But, it is this lack of "instant" that many people struggle with in skill development, as any skill worth having takes time to learn. But, it is also because of the instant outcomes from consumption that we are so easily distracted from skill development in the first place, as sitting in front of a TV show, being primed for questions and led to solutions makes it feel like we accomplished something, even though we did nothing that helps us in our daily lives.
Daily life matters, but it seems increasingly that no matter how much people struggle daily, we are becoming less willing to spend any time on understanding why and improving the conditions. I think a lot of this "complacency" comes down to the fear of failure too, where people are scared to invest into something only to later discover it was a waste of time. Without the draw of immediate results, a lot of people avoid aiming for any results.
But in the workplace, there is an engineered drive to change oneself either by choice or through force, as processes as well as working and market conditions are always in a state of flux. For most, it is impossible to avoid changing for long, because if one does, they are going to find themselves forced into change - a change of employment status. So, people learn the new process, practice with the new software and go to that training course, because their job depends on it.
Perhaps if we were more interested in learning how to improve ourselves for ourselves, we would affect change in our lives that brings a greater sense of wellbeing, but I think most people think that all improvement requires is, consuming more information. There is more to it than that though, because unless that information can be applied and affect outcomes, it is largely useless. Knowing doesn't mean being able to do.
For now, I no longer know myself well enough to understand what I can and can't do, but staying within comfort zones is not going to help me improve. So, either way the outcome of the position swings, I am pretty glad that I dived into the process of it and discovered more about my current standings and perhaps, where to go from here. There is a cost to this discovery, but perhaps in time, the learning will return more than what was paid for the lesson - it usually does.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]