This morning, I met up for a coffee and a chat with a friend. We only got to know each other about a month ago but we already go 'deep'.
That’s just how I roll. I don’t do small talk. Or, to rephrase that, only when necessary. Also, if people just talk about the same topic(s), over and over again, basically repeating others and not doing much thinking for themselves, they are probably not my type of people.
Anyhow, this new friend and I talked about life, reincarnation, health, depression, the feeling of loneliness, his experience with ayahuasca, family, work, time, money, energy and much more.
All of the aforementioned happened over one single cup of coffee for me ( I already had one before he arrived ) and two small coffees for him.
Now let's rewind a bit, to yesterday,
where I spend the entire day by myself, not seeing anyone and – aside from voice messaging with a friend and talking with my mom on the phone for half an hour - I just 'sat' with my thoughts and feelings, something most people don’t do and something that even I – someone who has been single most of his adult life – still struggle with: To sit still, to avoid (energy draining) distractions and addictions, to feel deeply, to not repress my feelings, to zoom out from my thoughts and to get out of this loop of negative thinking.
The fact that I had run out of WiFi and that my mobile Internet was hardly working at all, either due to a weather change and being off-grid/in the countryside - increased the feeling of isolation and increased the feeling of being confronted with my self. This is something that is healthy, natural, but still far from easy. It is the kind of super important stuff that we don't learn in school, nor from our parents and that many probably never figure out in their entire life or avoid at all cost because it's just too painful.
This offline, alone time, spent in 'struggle mode', also reminded me, once again, that I can use these situations as inspiration, as fuel for my creativity: the times when I am not feeling great, when I am struggling with feelings of anxiety and with fearful thoughts, or with anger and sadness, to name some strong and recurring ‘monsters’ that I am sure many of you can relate to. After all, those are/this is what my project *The Monster of Disco ( and the other Monsters ) is based on/ inspired by: the (un)helpful, metaphorical ‘monsters’ in our mind that we all have to deal with. Those that make us stronger, in the end.
All in all, it was an insightful day. Time well spent, outside of my comfort zone. And today, a day later, I am compensating for yesterday's alone time with plenty of social time.
I am a Libra, after all, always looking for balance in an everchanging world :<)
In case you haven't already done so or you just want a reminder, you can read more about my 'The Monster of Disco' project here or find it, pinned, at the top of my blog.
These 'monsters' are there to help us, they can only make us stronger. Just don't let them grow too strong and take over ;<)
all pictures included were taken by me, this morning, on my way to the village, to have a coffee with my friend