This is not actually part 22 in this series, but I realized that I wrote a couple of posts with this title, in the past, and 22 is my favorite number.
It is pretty much a follow up to healing by feeling (more)
Now I think of it, this might not be the story you'd expect, as I don't talk about dinos,but it's actually pretty fitting.
I have often felt hypersensitive ( hence the main character in my stories of the last 4 years ), way more sensitive to all kind of stimuli than the average person but it's also true that doctors were never able to diagnose my health issues and having a 'hyperreactive respiratory system', is about the only label I've ever gotten from a doctor.
I don't think I've talked about this much ( on here ), but I have struggled with a lot of health issues ( both physical and mental ) throughout my life and I am seeing now how much of my ( seeming ) injuries and long lasting or chronic health issues might very well have been caused by repressing my feelings ( a tool I learnt as a young kid and apparently mastered ), because I didn't know any better.
I'm not talking about one or two things but a list of things. From lung issues ( since my birth ), a decade of almost daily nosebleeds, from dizzy spells to ( almost daily ) headaches and flu like symptoms/ feelings, from stomach cramps, back pain, shoulder pain and neck pain to further nose issues, breathing issues and chronic fatigue, from depression to anxiety and so on and so forth.
Some of them have gone on for years or decades others come and go but I now realize that many of the aforementioned might have been caused by repressing my feelings and the body stepping in and giving me 'pain' or pain like symptoms, thinking that would be easier for me to deal with than the feelings themselves.
Hypersensitive but not knowing how to actually feel.
It's almost funny.
but I know I'm far from the only one who doesn't really know how to feel and that is an understatement.
I am working on changing that around, on actually feeling my feelings and releasing them, on changing my mindset, my self-talk, as well as getting back to meditation and journaling. I am willing to learn to push through resistance ( that negative voice in our head that talks us out of the things that we'd like to do, so we end up feeling worse ) and to not get sucked into a pool of self pity.
I am learning to say NO, more often, to set boundaries, without turning into an asshole. I try my best to talk more honestly and openly to those close to me ( and those who are genuinely interested in me and not just in small talk ) and much more.
I already feel the change.
These days, I am listening to a lot of podcasts on the Mind-Body connection and a day or two ago, I installed an app called 'Curable'.
This app combines all of the helpful things that I mentioned above ( research, meditation, journaling, tips to reset your brain, recovery stories etc ) and a lot of it is in audio form ( very much my style, when it comes to learning ).
I am starting to feel better already, but I still have a long way to go and that is totally fine. I will be patient ( no longer a patient ).
TO BE CONVINUED...
I included some soothing pictures from my evening walk, a walk that I very much enjoyed. Even more, as there was some light rain going on, something that is pretty exceptional this time of year, here in Portugal. Life is beautiful!