In Da CUB

It had been a slow start to the week.

The usual calls with people yapping on about what was in their gift or the art of the possible.

I sniffed and pulled my phone out for a bit of a Hive browsing. Not too much going on, Hive account@steevc was in trending fondling something long and wooden. That was nice, That's what I liked to see on Hive, the men-fellows out there shamelessly caressing their instruments on camera. I watched it, liked it, smacked it with a vote and moved on.

Everyone seemed to be blithering on about Cubs. Which was not normal. In fact, it was damn unusual. Most people go to Hive to talk about Hive. That's what Hive'ing is all about.

But no, post after post about Cubs and Cubbing it. Everyone was patting themselves on the back for stroking Cubs and yielding or some such nonsense.

My lip curled up in distaste.

Animals? Worse yet, baby animals? I was willing to put up with a bit of bush on a lady but I drew the line at fur.

No sir. Not for me.

One of them in particular caught my eye. Hive account@cryptoandcoffee muttering something about being attacked and defeated by a baby lion.

What the fuck was going on? I knew this man, there was no way he was going down under a bundle of fur.

With a sigh, I clicked into his post.

Oh, not animals. It was the new LEO thing. LEOFinance had gone full DeFi and were squirting money out at people for farming.

Fuck sake. Would this DeFi shit never end? I had managed to avoid it like the plague so far despite missing out on all of the massive profits that separated the Gods from mere men.

I had a look at the linked instructions.

I instantly and metaphorically vomited and shat myself at the same time.

Do what with the what? BEP20? Metamask? Dens? Farms?

And don't get me started on BUSD?!!? What the fuck was that?

And Simba...

How did you get involved in all of this? Where did it all go wrong?

Fuck it. I moved over to discord to see what kind of knuckleheads were chatting over there.

IT WAS WORSE!

Discord was aflame with talk of free internet money and the fools that were missing out on all the free lunches known to man.

It made me feel ancient. I had no idea where to begin. I knew the site was here - https://cubdefi.com/

But was that it? Just fucking go to the site, hit connect with MetaMask and throw some Internet money in a Den/Farm?

I checked Hive account@cryptoandcoffee's profile to find his post about failing. What the fuck, he had put out another post in which he had conquered it?!?! How the fuck had he managed that? He was ninety-odd years old for christ's sake?!?

There was nothing for it.

I was going to have to join in...

---

Some hours later, chewing a long stalk of grass, I sauntered into the lounge where the Good Lady was sitting. She looked up as I came in.

Hey, weren't you clean-shaven this morning?

She stared at my now fully bearded chin.

And why are you wearing a cowboy hat and chewing a long bit of grass?

She seemed puzzled.

I snorted and started undoing my belt. She didn't seem to realise.

I'm a farmer now.