When I moved out of my family home for the first time it is because I had been accepted to an out-of-state college. I remember when I received the acceptance letter that I was so excited. This would be the beginning of the rest of my life. It was time to adult. I daydreamed of where I would be in another few years. What would I do with my life, and who would I marry to conquer life with?? Since it was out of state, I had to start planning. I secured a job in order to pay for schooling and living expenses. There was no room in the dorms at the college, so I had to live off campus. I would have no car or bike, and so needed to live close enough to be able to walk everywhere. In hindsight, why didn't I buy myself a bike??? This seems patently obvious to me now, and it has even made me pause in this soliloquy to shake my head at myself.
I was very excited to be able to move out and start my adulthood. I was incredibly lonely when I got to college though. My family moved out of state in my junior year. We moved to a different state again in the middle of my senior year, so I hadn't made any lasting friendships at the school I graduated from with only having been there a semester. It was incredibly difficult to try to make my way into a social group that had already been established for years. I lost touch with previous friends that I had made as this was before social media. We could either write letters or pay for long-distance phone calls, which got very expensive. This resulted in losing touch with most people that I had grown up with. When I got accepted into college, I remember calling some of those friends to see what their plans were, and I remember just one girl who was going to go to the same school, but with one of her really good friends. It felt clear that we wouldn't see each other since they would be rooming together, and I would be off campus. To be fair, I had only known the girl for about a year, and so we had only just started to become friends before I moved again my senior year. C-est la vie.
It was a fresh start though, and that was exciting. I got a job that was just a couple blocks from my apartment, and my college was less than a mile from my apartment. When I went to the gym, it was either on campus or within a mile of my apartment. I didn't get a car until 2 years later when I decided to leave that college, basically to pursue destiny with a man who is now my husband of 21 years (another story for another time).
Going to class and my job daily was difficult. I had in my head one way that I thought college should be and it ended up being very different. I did make a huge mistake by signing up for an 8am Chemistry class that was Monday through Friday. Getting up for that class did not always happen as I often worked until 11pm, or for my graveyard shift that got off at 7am, an hour before class. I had never gotten bad grades before but failed that chemistry class in spectacular fashion. I think that I didn't really have a good skill set in making friends back then as easily as I do now, and that part of college was a struggle for me. Looking back, having a mentor to help me make good choices-like not taking an 8am chemistry class- would have helped immensely. They had orientations and programs for the freshman that lived on campus in the dorms, but the off-campus kids like me had to fend for themselves.
I made it through going to classes and finding my way around. I eventually made some friends as well. It was trial and error and a learning curve that everyone goes through when they are in new environments. I am sure I missed some opportunities to do more social things because of having to work, but on a positive note, I did not have any student debt. I did just fine in most of my classes, but failing Chemistry haunts me, just a little, to this day. One day, I think I will take a Chemistry class at a college, just to show myself that I could have, if I had just made it to class.
Dipping my toe in the ocean of adulthood was hard. The water was really cold at first, but eventually you get used to it. I even went "swimming" after a while, and now I just keep swimming. Some days it feels like I am drowning, some days it is like treading water, but most days it is like a glorious day of playing at the beach and I go to bed smiling.
I posted this as a prompt from The Weekend. This week was to post about firsts. Sorry, not sorry, kind of sorry, not sure if I am supposed to be sorry.... because it is so long 
pics are mine, just not from college, I don't really have those on hand, they are buried somewhere in a shoebox in a closet...