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For a time in my life, I thought dealing with people properly meant sacrificing my needs for theirs. This got me frustrated and angry whenever I felt they didn't appreciate my sacrifices enough to reciprocate. I got to realize how unfair and selfish that is of me, to actually expect people to set their needs aside and think of mine first, simply because I did what no one asked of me. I was doing the right thing the wrong way and it was a huge bummer.
Relating with people is one key skill everyone should master, owing to the fact that it's a task we carry out every day of our lives. People can prove difficult because we're all dynamic and prone to constant change. I used to try to figure the pattern in which people think but it never works that way, in fact, I do things that surprise myself. One thing that can make human relations very easy is that, luckily, we are humans ourselves. We're all different and unique in our own ways but despite our uniqueness, we still have some things in common. One of those things is "wants/needs". Human wants are insatiable, therefore, at every point in our lives, we'll always have wants and needs. Whether it's a better house, car, or the need to be appreciated or cared for.
If you actually observe your life and the actions you constantly take, you'll realize that behind every action you take there is a want lurking somewhere.
No matter how selfless an act might seem outwardly, inwardly it is satisfying something in you, a desire. You can be doing it to gain approval, obey what your faith commands or simply out of the desire to help someone else. Regardless of how you choose to see it, it is a want in you being fulfilled.
Another instance is when we're asked to do things contrary to our will; we become displeased. Eventually we might decide to do it or not. Either way, a want is being satisfied.
You can decide not to do it, not wanting to inconvenience yourself. And you can decide to. Deciding to, you're conjuring a want that is meant to be satisfied in the process. As kids when asked to do things and we can't help it, we do it not to get a scolding or a beating.
Sometimes, when asked as kids to wash plates against our will, we make so much ruckus about it to express our displeasure and arouse a reaction from our parents or siblings. If you're from a Nigerian home, you know how that ends, with you in tears, especially if you break a plate in the process. But strangely, there's this odd satisfaction you get anyway, even after the beatings. At that moment, we satisfy the want to express our displeasure and get the job done our own way.
It is that simple.
It is the reason why you'd feel okay giving your hard earned money to someone in need, because you have a desire to help. It is why you'd attend gatherings you despise because you want to show support for that friend or you want to please a superior.
Knowing that, make yourself see from the other people's perspectives. Know what people want from situations, how they'd like to hear how good they look that morning, how they'd like to be left alone sometimes, how they'd like to have your undivided attention when they're pouring out their minds. Simple gestures are often underrated but they actually imprint themselves in the memory and aggregate to form a picture of you in people's minds.
You have a need, want or a desire, simply look at it from the other person's perspective. How would doing what you want benefit them or how would they actually enjoy doing it. Rouse a desire in them or give them a genuine reason to. You need to be sincere while considering all that of course, that's the whole point: being intentional about people. We all appreciate it when people care about us and we can tell when it's not genuine. Make it genuine. Everyone will be happy and what you want would be achieved with more efficiency and enthusiasm.
It's a principle applied in all walks of life, especially the ones that involve interaction with fellow humans. And yeah, you can predict, marketing is on top of the list. That is what a good salesman would do, make you see what good the product would do you, not why he needs to get it all off his hands.
When schools ask you to submit a motivation letter in your application, it's not asking you to tell them how admitting you would be of help to you. A great motivation letter would inform them how the school, fellow students and most times, the society at large, can benefit from that simple act of admitting you to the school. You give them a reason to want you there.
It is the way to get that person or child listen to why they shouldn't take that action that'd turn out disastrous. Many people, kids and teenagers especially, do things out of rebellion. A few years ago, I could never envision my brother and dad being as close as they are today. They used to be at loggerhead with each other. He admitted to me one time that he did so many things just to prove to my dad that he's capable of making his own decisions. This, of course, leads to some bad decisions. To get people see why your advice is worth any consideration at all, you have to show that you genuinely care. The way you address them might also influence other decisions they make. They get to consider the implications of all their other decisions and actions.
The goal is not just to make people like you or get to do what you want, it's to make you that person who can connect with people on any level and determine how best to relate with them and their needs. A person without formal education with great human relation skills will succeed in his/her line of work. Sometimes, exposure and opportunities are not different, some people are just better at nourishing human resources well enough to get their big break. It is also, to help you make the best of your opportunities.
There you go. Make friends and treat people right without actually treating yourself otherwise. And in cases when you can't help doing things you don't care for, give yourself a reason to, it will make the process less gruesome for you, you might even get to enjoy it. It just requires intentionality. Be intentional about your thought process and every action.
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