I've been quite proud of my accomplishments in the world of distance running lately and have been seeing great improvements in my ability to go long distances without it even seeming as though it is at all difficult.
I suppose that is why the other day's run really caught me off guard and surprised me. I finished the minimum intended distance but was very displeased about my performance.
It started out like any other day, I headed in the direction of the loop I had planned out where it can be a 5,10, or 15 km run and then go as far as I can or until I run out of water. It was extremely cold so I got up to speed very fast in order to prevent freezing to death.
But while I normally don't even notice the strain or even feel as though this is at all difficult I was feeling something that I haven't felt in a long time and that is the very strong desire to stop and to give up. I am a stubborn runner so I kept this feeling at bay for as long as I could but in the end, my body just wouldn't cooperate and I soon ended up breaking for a walk much earlier than I ever would.
In my previous entries you may recall how I was quite proud of myself for being able to maintain a good pace with a good heart rate for what to me anyway, seemed like forever. It didn't affect me and I never really felt winded, or that my muscles were giving in, or anything bad really, but on this day, nothing was working.
I am able to go into a trance of sorts for a while and push past the voices that are telling me to quit, but today I just couldn't prevail.
I tried several times to get back into the swing of things but it wasn't long after I would get up to speed again that the very strong desire to quit came back upon me. Nothing felt fluid or easy the way it had before, and every single step seemed like a chore. I started breaking more and more frequently and honestly, I probably wouldn't have even started running again if it wasn't for the fact that I was several kms from home and it was extremely cold. My body just wasn't going to cooperate.
I started out relatively strong by my standards but then after km 2 I just didn't have it in me anymore. By the time I staggered home I was in a full out walk. This was really disappointing to me because for the past week I have been doing what I consider to be extremely good runs and most of them didn't even feel like they were difficult.
So what happened?
Well I think I have a theory that probably holds a lot of water. As I sit here typing right now I am sniffling and producing a lot of tissues in the trash can next to my desk from all the snot I am producing from a cold that I have. I don't think I got the cold from running but it is something that is just kind of going around right now. Perhaps I was already a bit sick when I started this run but the illness just hadn't gone all over my body yet. Perhaps I was so easily fatigued because my body was already on the defensive from this illness that I wasn't yet aware of.
That's the way I want to think about it anyway and I am hopeful that when I do wake up one day and my nose is behaving normally again, that I will be able to hit the same trail with some level of gusto and get back into form easily.
I've never really participated in a sport that would be so negatively affected by an upcoming illness but I like to think that this is why I was so easily gassed. My immune system must have been working over time already to keep the illness at bay and I just wasn't yet aware of it.
Even though I have the snot to prove it, I am still disappointed in my inability to do an entire 5k without stopping. That was a real point of pride for me and I am going to blame the sickness. I refuse to give in!
The thing is I didn't feel ill when I was doing the run. It wasn't until the day afterwards that I started having sinus issues. Perhaps that was my body telling me that the sickness was about to break through my immune system and now I just wonder if I actually helped it to come through by pushing myself even if the efforts were in vain.