my slippers are becoming torn. my house slippers, only that's not what i'm looking for.
i'm looking for shoes that will support my souls. i'm sorry, i mean my soles, and my ankle which hurts and never healed correctly. i got help, though. do i need shoes that look good or support, and why is it impossible to find both? when i fucked up my ankle, i said goodbye to high heels. i'd love to learn how to pole dance in high heels, but that'd be expensive on the ankle, and there's been already too much bellyaching here.
i'm looking for shoes. like when we were children.
i'm taking up space, and making room for myself in long, incredible lazy days of creativity and marketing. i devote myself wholeheartedly to my yoga and my other things while i wait for the manuscript to cool. it's kinda like being on a soul holiday.
you know that great feeling of wonder when you're in a foreign place somewhere, and you get to live as though you could be anybody? i'm exploring myself as if i were different kinds of artists.
i get frustrated with the slowness of making yourself known, but also find myself falling a tiny bit more in love each day with the intricacy of building something.
it's hard knowing what to do with your brain while you wait for writing to rise (like dough?). it's easy to get antsy. angry. to start kicking. i tend to try and rush back into writing too quickly, but not this time.
this time, i'm taking the time to discover and explore what it means to cultivate other talents and other pleasures. i'm enjoying finding my body stronger and more enduring in some ways. the pleasure of a good stretch.
to reach for well-trod metaphors, there is a well. but it is deeper than i would've thought once.
i must pick out good shoes, but get derailed picking out sandals and sighing for summer.
a month from now, i shall be on the beach. but much will have happened by then. my manuscript will be nearing its due date. i'll be coming out of this creative hybernation. i must remember to take delight in each step of the process.
i'm at a point in my life where all sorts of exciting things are happening. i'm pouring myself into different collaborations and trying as i go to grow my practice. i'm saying yes where in the past, i might've been too shy.
i am
growing.
i'm not sure what to make of that yet. but it sure feels good.
who woulda thought.
