Camuflaje
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Pero también tuvo miedo que descubrieran su miedo desproporcionado y sin fundamento. Fue por ello que tomó la decisión más insólita que hubiese podido tomar: se fue al ejército. Allí, entre miles hombres de su edad, pasó desapercibido. Nadie notó el sudor frío que recorría su espina dorsal cuando las pesadas armas estaban en sus manos o cuando debía correr imaginando que detrás venía el enemigo. Con el casco, uniforme, pasamontañas y guantes, su cuerpo aterrorizado quedaba cubierto. Era en la noche, cuando la luna ya estaba oculta para darle paso al sol, que Manuel lloraba por un miedo recién descubierto: el miedo a la muerte.
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Entonces llegó la guerra y aunque Manuel hubiese querido huir, tuvo que quedarse: debía luchar por su vida. Lo que antes fue un simple simulacro, se hizo verdad: armas, detonaciones, campo de batalla, sangre, la muerte gráfica.
_Fuego, fuego, fuego, escuchaba y el pecho de Manuel era el compás de un reloj desbocado.
No tuvo tiempo de sentir miedo, más bien debió permanecer al frente sintiendo que las orejas le ardían y la cabeza le explotaba por los ruidos ensordecedores.
_Corran, corran, corran, gritaban y Manuel corría sintiendo que la sangre le hervía mientras que el cielo de medianoche era tachonado con disparos.
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Vio cómo algunos compañeros cayeron y otros volteaban a verlos, pero Manuel solo corría, corría y corría con la mirada al frente ocultándose entre matorrales, tropezando con las piedras, no como una hormiga que sigue una línea trazada por las otras hormigas, sino como un animal acorralado que busca una madriguera para ocultarse. Cuando encontró un escondite, Manuel largó el llanto, comenzó a llorar a raudales y el cielo fue tan compasivo con él que ocultó sus lágrimas con una tormenta. Con lluvia y lágrimas en su rostro, Manuel sintió que hasta Dios sabía de su miedo y ayudaba a camuflarlo.
HASTA UNA PRÓXIMA HISTORIA, AMIGOS
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Camouflage
From a very young age Manuel knew that he was afraid. He was afraid of the dark, of being alone, of loud noises, of animals, and he was even afraid of storms. This disproportionate fear that ran through his entire body and made him tremble or paralyze, instead of disappearing over time, was accentuated over the years and new fears were added to the old childhood fears: fear of rejection, fear of speaking in public, fear of of dancing and even fear of silence.
But he also feared that his disproportionate and unfounded fear would be discovered. That's why he made the most unusual decision he could have made: he entered the army. There, among thousands of men his age, he went unnoticed. No one noticed the cold sweat that ran down his spine when heavy weapons were in his hands or when he had to run imagining that the enemy was behind him. With the helmet, uniform, balaclava and gloves, his terrified body was covered. It was at night, when the moon was already setting to make way for the sun, when Manuel cried because of a new fear: the fear of death.
Then the war came, and although Manuel would have liked to flee, he had to stay: he had to fight for his life. What was once a simple simulation became reality: weapons, detonations, battlefield, blood, graphic death.
_Fire, fire, fire, I listened and Manuel's chest was the beat of a runaway clock.
He didn't have time to feel afraid, rather he had to stay in front feeling that his ears were burning and his head was exploding from the deafening noises.
_They ran, ran, ran, they screamed and Manuel ran feeling his blood boiling while the midnight sky was studded with gunshots.
He saw how some companions fell and others turned to look at them, but Manuel only ran, ran and ran with his eyes straight ahead, hiding among bushes, tripping over stones, not like an ant that follows a line drawn by the other ants, but like a cornered animal looking for a burrow to hide. When he found a hiding place, Manuel burst out crying, he began to cry profusely and the sky was so compassionate with him that it hid his tears with a storm. With rain and tears on his face, Manuel felt that even God knew about his fear and was helping to camouflage it.