People only think. Some think less, some a little more. I think too, thinking had become my natural identity at one point. At first, it didn't seem bad. It seemed like being able to think meant being able to feel, to take responsibility, to be human. But one day, I suddenly realized that I wasn't just thinking anymore, I was living inside my thoughts.
The conversations inside my head start right after I wake up in the morning. What will happen today, what did I say wrong yesterday, did someone misunderstand me. These questions never stop. Small things occupy a large space in my mind. I repeatedly search for new meanings for even a simple event, as if a single truth is not enough for me.
These thoughts deepen as night falls. When silence falls around, the voices inside my head can be heard loudly. As soon as I close my eyes, the past comes to me words unsaid, people unmet, decisions unmade. The future doesn't let me be calm either. What will happen, I'm making a decision, everything will be okay in the end these fears don't let me sleep.
Overthinking has gradually changed me. I can't be as simple as I used to be. Even when I smile, I feel like something is incomplete inside. I keep looking for hidden meanings behind people's words. What others think is more important than my own feelings. This habit makes me even more alone.
The hardest thing is that I know these thoughts are tiring me, but I can't stop. Overthinking has become like an addiction. When I try to stop thinking, I feel like something will go wrong. This fear forces me to think again.
Sometimes I get very tired. I feel like where is the end of this war inside my head? People may think I am calm and collected when they see me. But inside I fight with myself every day. I just want to live a little more freely, a little more calm.
Still, I don't lose faith. I'm learning slowly not all questions need answers, not all thoughts need to be chased. Some feelings just need to be felt. I know this path is not easy. But I'm trying to be a little softer on myself.
This writing is not advice. It's the words of an ordinary person like me. One day, after thinking too much, I realized, it's also important to learn to be calm.
