Between Compliments and Criticism—The Thin Line We Cross

Have you ever been to a school reunion or resumed classes on the first day of a new term? Aside from the excitement of seeing your friends and classmates again, have you ever been sensitive enough to notice something else, something that might make others uncomfortable?

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I’ve noticed that reunions and resumption days are moments when people tend to observe physical changes in others and speak a little too freely about them. It usually begins with casual conversations. Everyone's catching up, and in the middle of it, people begin to notice who's added a little weight, lost some, changed their style, or just looks different from the last time they saw them. In many cases, these observations turn into compliments... “you look good,” “I love your hairstyle,” or “You’ve grown some curves". Compliments like these are very positive and can boost a person’s self-esteem.

However, problems comes in when those compliments are followed by subtle criticisms like “You look good, but your belly is really growing,” “You’d be so pretty if not for the acne,” or “This dress is nice, but it doesn’t suit your shape.” At this point, it’s no longer a compliment. It becomes something that could make someone feel judged or embarrassed. While the speaker may believe they’re being constructive or caring, it often doesn’t come across that way, especially when it's said in public.

Then there are the more direct negative comments, usually said with good intentions, but still inappropriate. For example: “You look really thin, what happened?” , “You look pale and malnourished. Were you sick?” or “Eyaaa, your acne is really bad.” And these remarks often come with a concerned or pitiful look, as if that would make them okay.

But the thing is, most of the time the person is already aware of the changes in her body. She knows she’s lost weight, maybe because she spent her holidays hustling while others were resting. Maybe she’s been through a tough time. Maybe there’s a reason for the change, or maybe there isn’t. The point is: she’s aware. And she doesn’t need anyone pointing it out. Our bodies are different, just as our lives are different.

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There’s a very thin line between concern and body‑shaming. So what might sound like a harmless comment can make someone else feel very uncomfortable or ashamed.

To give positive compliments, we must be mindful and thoughtful because everyone loves a good compliment, especially in public.

Recently, a friend of mine stopped talking to a girl who was fond of giving her negative “compliments” in public. According to her, that girl had never actually said anything good about her appearance, so she felt it was better to keep her distance. It was the best decision she could have made.

This brought me to Alessia Cara’s song, Scars to Your Beautiful.

While the artist leans a bit closer to speaking to women, I believe anyone can relate. We live in a society that makes countless rules and expects everyone to follow them. People have their own beliefs, and if your actions, appearance, or character don’t align, they’ll attack you in whatever way they can. This pressure has led many women to do things to impress others and live lives that aren’t truly theirs.

Alessia calls on us to love ourselves. Because people will always find something wrong with us, it’s our duty to see the good in ourselves and not be bothered by their opinions. We can’t let society define us; we define society.