A Walk On My Wildside | Day 12 | HiveBloPoMo
Well here I am with something that everyone probably immediately thinks, "That's totally NOT out of your comfort zone". I'm going to use this blog to explain to you that this really was out of my comfort zone. But oh how I enjoyed it!
I've been sneaking a sneak peek into the BloPoMo's program, and when I saw this day, my first thought was, "Oh Help! What am I supposed to do?" Until something unexpected for me happened last week. I've been saying for a long time that I want to photograph more again, but to be honest, the way I was used to it just doesn't work anymore. I've far too much problems in my head that are holding me back, and I just can't seem to get over these tresholds. Often I also talked about this with my partner and at first he didn't understand me, which is also a bit logical. Nothing to blame him for because I often didn't even understand myself. But in the end it came down to the fact that I like to go out to photograph, that I also want to take a dog with me, and that was the problem. Sounds really stupid, right? I'll try to explain it a bit more. My little Myla still likes to come along, but she just can't go for hours anymore. She just can't do that anymore. She is now 14 years old and at that age you also get some minor inconveniences as a dog. With some minor adjustments, that can easily be bridged and she can still do everything she wants to do, but to go out with her Lady-boss for an entire afternoon with a camera, that's just too much to ask of her.
I can actually be very short about our hyper dog Lana. The same story applies to her, with a small difference in age. Lana didn't turn 14, but she turned 13 this month.
And that leaves Skipper. He is a young God. He will be 5 years old next November ... he is in top condition, he loves to come along. But he can't walk off leash! I just can't take that risk, so I won't. But you do understand that with a dog on a leash, which also bounces quite a bit, it is not so convenient if you also have to lug your DSLR camera and a bag full of lenses. Because I believe that the dog's needs come before mine, the camera has mainly stayed at home in recent years. Going without a dog is an option, but not at all what I wanted. It was just so much fun for me to do that WITH my dogs.
There came some understanding
After noticing this many times, my partner gradually began to understand what I meant and what I felt. And once he realized that, the answer was very clear to him. Leaving Skipper at home was also not an option for him, but then the question arose what I thought of another camera. A point & shoot, no interchangeable lenses. After all, that's already half the difference. I had to think very hard about this, because be honest, what self-respecting photographer with a lack of self-confidence who is proud of her DSLR is going to leave that DSLR at home to shoot with a point & shoot camera? It really felt like a big step backwards to me, and I wasn't ready for it when my partner suggested it. However it was stuck in the back of my mind, and I slowly began to imagine that it could be something. After all, it's not like I'm getting rid of my DSLR. No dude, are you crazy! But for the times when I can't take it with me, and still want to shoot... Hmmm, maybe.
Change of mindset
That maybe changed to, "Yeah I think it could be something, and even if it's just to get me to pick up my camera again, it's worth all the money." Because by now the threshold to start photographing had also become bigger and bigger. Unfortunately, I'm so messed up. In my head, problems grow so fast, until they have become so big that I can no longer step over those figurative thresholds. And in hindsight I had reached that point a long time ago. The point that my self-confidence in my own abilities decreases enormously, the point that I stay in my own safe corner of the world. The point that I withdraw into myself and do everything I can to NOT have to go into 'the big bad outside world'. The point that I'm actually completely blocked and see no way to get out of there. Then I'll come up with other things to keep myself busy. I guess you can say that I had lost an important part of myself, and although I wanted to go out for photography, I had created far too many problems in my head to actually take that step again. My partner thought he had found the solution to get me out of the mode of "But this is not possible because ....". And if I can get out of that mode, then I can start working on the rest, because of course there is more to it than just that.
Nikon P1000
Fast forward, last Thursday the parcel delivery person suddenly came with a large package with my name on it. When I opened the package I found a camera, a Nikon P1000. My partner had decided to pull the trigger for me with the idea behind it that if I remain 'too snobbish' and stick to my DSLR, he will finally have a nice camera for himself. It's simple, he also likes photography in itself when we go somewhere, and certainly also here around the house. Where I often no longer see the beauty of our daily environment, or find it 'too boring' to capture in photos, it is 180 degrees different for him. He always sees something he would like to photograph. However, even for me the Nikon P1000 has something that my SLR does not have, and which I could never have on my SLR. It has a gigantic zoom lens of no less than 3000mm (35mm equivalent). And that is quite a bit more than my 300mm telephoto lens. But on the other hand, in my pixel-peeping idea, the camera cannot deliver the same quality due to the small sensor that is in the camera. Oh the horror!
Now I HAVE to go out!
Still, after a few days of trying, I can say that you can take very nice pictures with this camera. I have to try and get to know the camera a lot more, and of course because I've been used to a DSLR for so many years, and even more ... because I had left it in the closet for almost a year and only sporadically used one picture, this was pretty "Out of my comfort zone". Especially when I also decided to go out with this camera, and also without a dog.
I could really tell that I've been out of photography for a long time, too long! And the fact that I've only just got this camera in my hands, that also played a role in the fact that I certainly didn't get the full potential out of the camera that it does have. But what I have found is that I can certainly take this camera with me when I go for a walk with the dogs, for little bits with my old ladies, for the long walks with Skipper... and that knowledge, yes.. That makes me happy with this camera, and that is also perfect for my partner. For me it serves as "an additional camera that can give me back the joy of photography".
Grateful
My partner got it right, "At the moment I prefer a camera that I can take with me. Even if that camera doesn't offer the same quality photos as my beloved DSLR."
And when I'm really on it again, the way is open to an upgrade of my other camera, IF I still want to. And I'll explain that too, I've been thinking for the past few days... I don't shoot professionally anymore. I don't take assignments anymore, that's all in the past, and I didn't intend to change that. I want to shoot for myself now. Because I want it, and what I like. Do I need the highest resolution? Do I need that bag full of expensive lenses for the highest quality, but which I hardly used because there are TOO MANY blocks in my head at the moment? So hopefully I can find my way out of the blocks in my head. The start was made last Easter weekend by looking for what this camera can do with my partner. He's already completely in love. And now love learning about photography and the camera. The camera is not such a secret for me, I still remember how to photograph, but breaking the inner blockages in my head was not easy. The thresholds are still there, although they have become a bit lower.