And I let my partner off the hook.

Holy Smokes! That is such an enlightened position to take. I bet that is the last thing most people would ever consider doing.

My last relationship, I walked in with the attitude that I should be ready to walk away at any time if things are getting more complicated than I am comfortable with. Eventually my initial plan crumbled, because I gave up my heart (and brain!) to love (more like infatuation with the better life they were offering me). We quickly crossed some of the safe boundaries I set, and things flipped from an emotional high to a frozen tundra. I think if I kept that initial attitude all along, I would have been more true to myself, and to her. We could have walked away with a better mutual respect. It would have been easier to bypass months of heartache and negativity to one another.

At the peak of our positive emotions for eachother, I am very curious what would happen if I did walk away at that first moment I saw the red flags appear. Would I have been able to ignore my feelings and walk away, or would my partner have capitulated? Would we have built up our infatuated emotions over time apart, and magnetically been pulled back together again? That did happen after our first break up.

I hope I now have the good sense to end the romantic side of a relationship if I ever realized my partner was giving up too much of themselves for the sake of preserving the relationship. I have even ended a few normal friendships over signs of toxic speech I could not abide. Even a relationship of true love should have a somewhat fair balance, like a business, involving give and take at acceptable levels.

Thank you for the wisdom!