Have you ever just looked at your mom and thought you'll lose her someday?

I've been thinking about it recently, ever since she got sick from having an eye sore and a random body ache, while massaging her I thought what will I do if I lose her?

thoughts in my mind were;

I'd definitely cry till I pass out, or might have an heart attack

I'd get depressed

Can I move on? I doubt just by thinking about it, I feel like I'll go crazy

I'd probably kill myself after

Those worries have been on my mind and I know situations like this are inevitable, I just can't help but think about it and there are times I compare myself to other people who lost their parents like how did they handle it since I've seen some being okay after, I feel like if I ask advice they'd just say life goes on kind of thing,

recently my mom just got home from Zamboanga, I didn't come along because I was going to the opposite side the next day and I didn't wanna get tired from traveling to Zamboanga and Davao the next, I have a sensitive body you see and I get sick easily, especially when it's rainy season, so I usually avoid something that will harm my health, anyways going back, She came home with a body ache, seeing her in pain hurts me I asked her about it but she doesn't know the source of it.

I've witnessed a lot of deaths in my surroundings when I was at the hospital before, I saw a person still healthy and okay but died in a minute, I thought that time that life is unpredictable and too short. Quite depressing just thinking about it, it's also hard to think positively knowing you'll pass away in this world, so you see why I overthink about it, I realized that there's a lot of pain coming my way.

No worries though my mom is okay, but seeing her not getting any younger day by day, I can't help but think of not seeing her someday. I just wish she lives long till I give her the comfort life she always wanted.

I always pray that whatever sickness my mom will have in the future, I wish it will go to me instead of her, If only I can trade my young energy and life with my mom I would! I'd give up my life just for her.

again, life's fucked up.