It's been a year since I've written on here and I'm hoping maybe if I try writing it'll be good for my mental health. Historically, I've always loved writing but I broke my mind and I haven't been able to do anything I love. Writing did always make me happy so maybe if I try this it'll be theraputic.
Along with Autism I Also Got Puppies Whose Cuteness Helps
This is baby Pearl the Great Pyrenees
This is Ted the Dalmatian
It's been a rough 3 years. I discovered nine months ago that I have been autistic my entire life and never had any clue. In 2020, I apparently entered into autistic burnout where my brain and body said "we're tired of all the stress you put us through so you're done." I developed autoimmune problems and spent 2020-2021 with my body going completely haywire and me being sick all the time so that I felt like I was dying.
Because of my health we moved to a new home, an 8 acre farm, and I'm much happier here. My stress levels went down and in 2022 I started recovering from burnout a bit. Then, in October 2022 I found out the reason for all my health problems. I was undiagnosed autistic my entire life! And finding out you're autistic at the age of 37 is a real shock to the system! Knowing I'm autistic has actually made me more autistic because I see it now. I'm so hyper aware of my body. I see how my actions effect my body. When I am stressed out my body and mind get mad at me and shut down. I can no longer be the person I've always been.
Today I am experiencing an autistic shutdown. This means my body hurts and is swelling and I feel sick because I stressed myself out the last two weeks painting and renovating my house. A chair I was standing on broke and I fell and the chair punctured my leg. I kept going trying to get things done and my body and mind said "Oh, no you don't!" And shut me down. During a shutdown all I can do is sit and chill or lay in bed and rest. I'll hurt and feel sick until I rest and recover.
It's really really hard to spend your entire life living up to the expectations of normal society only to find out at age 37 your autistic and you should have never been doing that. I never listened to my stress and hid it. I pushed past it to continue. I repressed it and hid it so my family never knew how constantly stressed and struggling I was. Now, my ignorance in not knowing I was autistic has hit me hard. Burnout is awful.
Nothing Helps Mental Health Like Puppies!
So what happened to homesteading? For now I am resting. I am not gardening much because my mind won't let me do the work. I'm learning to be kind to myself. I am doing tiny projects when my mind will let me. For now I'm resting and enjoying my animals. I guess since I last wrote we got chickens! And I got 2 dogs! I got a Great Pyrenees and a Dalmatian. We've currently got 10 cats, 10 ducks, 15 chickens, and 2 dogs. The animals bring me a lot of happiness so I'm just hanging out in burnout with them.
For any friends still around thanks for dropping in and reading. Sorry for dropping off the face of the Earth but the autism really sucks.