First things first you have to start with locally sourced bottom-shelf spirits.
Mix with equal parts tomato juice.
A dash or three of hot sauce, to taste.
If you're really trying to take the trolley all the way to flavor town, stir in a rancid dollop of Horseradish for the authentic eye-watering thrift store corduroy zest.
Choke it down with a pained grimace until you're drunk enough to sleep till morning.
Bottoms up!