I can’t believe that this still happens! Who knew that eating was so necessary when you travel?
In my first post about food and travel, I told fantastical tales of dinner delights in exotic places around the world. We learned about pasta in Italy. We saw sushi from Japan. I had tacos in Mexico. And I even ate French fries in England! It was pure witchcraft! But now I’m back with more stories about tasty adventures from my world travels! Who would have guessed that eating was not only required, but that there is so much to learn about food in these strange lands??
Food is so important that nothing else needs to be recorded during my trips. If it doesn’t have anything to do with eating, then I don’t care! Don’t waste my time, Mr. Tour Guide! Just point me to the buffet and get out of my way!
A flight to France
First things first. French people are nuts! How do I know this? They eat snails! SNAILS! GROSS! But they don’t just eat snails. They think snails are a DELICACY! These French people must have lost their minds when the rest of the world stole the secret recipe to their fried potato strips. But why eat snails because of that? They’re just slugs that were smart enough to find a protective shell. Man, those Frenchies. They have serious issues.
But they also have crème brûlée in France. That translates to “super effing awesome dessert” in English. So it’s not all bad. If only I could figure out a way to get that stuff here in my hometown. Traveling to France for their dessert is very expensive!
Inbound to India
I took a trip to India once because I heard about this stuff called “curry.” I wanted to try it, so on a plane I went. After the excruciatingly long flight I really needed something to eat. I was craving a burger and some of those world-famous French fries from France. But I wasn’t in France and Indians don’t eat their cows. They worship them! I was out of luck. I asked my bicycle driver to stop at the first restaurant he saw so that I wouldn’t starve to death.
Lucky for me, there was a place right near the airport. We walked into a small open-air building that was filled with old shirtless men and their twisty mustaches. And they were all smoking from hookahs. It smelled pretty bad in there. But I was able to eat some curry chicken and rice. Chickens aren’t sacred there, filthy creatures that they are. The curry wasn’t bad but I don’t think it was worth the nine days it took me to fly to India.
Burgers might not be on the menu. But would it kill them to have a crispy chicken sandwich in its place? Without the curry?
Jumping over to Germany
Germany is a very nice place to visit. Beautiful romantic language. Graceful women. Pretty beaches. They have it all! Except I don’t think they actually have any food. I searched all over the little town I was staying in for an authentic German lunch. Everywhere I went I was asked the same thing. I’d tell the waitress that I want a typical German meal and they would say, “Brezel und doppelbock?” I didn’t even know what that meant! But that’s all anyone had to offer for lunch. So I ordered it.
A few hours later, I found myself stumbling around in the Gendarmenmarkt in Berlin. I felt like I was drunk. It was all very confusing. I couldn’t even remember what I had for lunch. What the heck is brezel und doppelbock??
Oh, Canada!
A little closer to home are my overly friendly neighbors to the north. Now these guys know their fine cuisine! They take after their English ancestors with their culinary superiority! No, they don’t just eat bears and salmon. Don’t be a hoser!
If you’re there for breakfast, their Canadian bacon is a must-have! What’s Canadian bacon? It’s bacon! From a pig! It’s not really like American bacon from a pig. It’s more like ham. So Canadian bacon can just be called Canadian ham. Only they don’t call it “Canadian” in Canada. Just order the back bacon. They’ll know what you mean.
Another tasty treat you can get in Canada is poutine. This will blow your mind! Poutine is made of fries from France. I don’t even know how they get them in Canada! Then these French fries are covered in cheese curds and gravy! How is this possible?? Anyhow, they’re a real gut-buster! Eat too much of that and you’ll need to use your runners to get to the washroom. And you better hope that your Molson muscle doesn’t keep you from pulling down those track pants in time. You’ll be a mess for sure, buddy. Eh?
I hope you liked reading about my eating endeavors! I’ll have to travel to new places and learn more about foods and eating. I’ll report back soon!
SGL
All images attribution-free from Pixabay.com