We all know what semen is, that sticky happy man goo. Yes, it's made up of a bunch of sperm, but it also contains loads of other ingredients such as proteins, water, vitamin C, citric acid, zinc, etc. http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/nutritional-value-serving-semen . While the amounts are pretty miniscule (we're talking small amounts of milligrams per 3/4 tsp http://jezebel.com/a-complete-breakdown-of-the-nutritional-content-of-seme-953356816 ), people are claiming that you can use the semen in products for health benefits. Others have used it for more strange purposes. Either way, here are some weird ways you too can incorporate semen into you life!
1. Semen Facial
Yes, it's a real thing. And you too can grab one for only $125! Graceful Services is a spa in New York that offers semen facials at $125 an hour http://gracefulservices.com/prices.html#p202 . And its not just this spa that claims these facials are beneficial. A blogger and YouTube sensation named Tracy Kiss http://www.tracykiss.com/product-reviews/semen-facial-mask has made videos and posted articles on how great semen facials can be. She claims they make her skin feel soft and fresh (are all you male readers getting ideas now?). She even shows you the cup of semen and how to apply it.
2. Cooking with Semen
So you've decided that semen facials just aren't enough. You want more. You want that warm gooey goodness in your belly now. Good news! There's a cookbook for that! Apparently you can now cook with semen
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ANT5X82/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1. In the book, you will find recipes for "Man Made Oysters" and "Irish Coffee with Extra Cream" http://imgur.com/gallery/e0evz . Yum.
3. Drinking It Down
Now it's time to pair those semen meals with a nice semen drink. More god news, there's book for that too. Semenology is the perfect bartender's guide to semen drinks https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00D5FJOWC/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1. It's filled with drinks like the Semen Rimmed Margarita and the Macho Mojito. Of course, there are pictures featured with the recipes. If you live in New Zealand, you may be familiar with The Green Man Pub, which has featured the Stag Semen Milked Stout. The featured ingredient? You guessed it, stag semen http://www.foodandwine.com/fwx/drink/new-zealand-pub-has-created-stag-semen-beer . The drink was claimed to be be coffee flavored and nice and creamy.
4. Semen as an Expression of Art
Okay, so maybe ingesting semen isn't your thing. That's okay because it's also used to paint with! Martin von Ostrowski is a (more or less) famous painter who used poo to paint a portrait of Hitler https://www.thelocal.de/20081223/16325. That wasn't enough for him, so he went on to start using semen in his works. He claims that each portrait uses about 40 ejaculations worth of splooge http://www.schwulesmuseum.de/en/exhibitions/archives/2010/view/spermaportraits-martin-von-ostrowski/?option=com_content&view=article&Itemid=4&cHash=ec9324779bb3cefe27f8da998fd5c042. Sounds like the most fun way to paint, ever.
5. Semen Was Once an Experimental Invisible Ink
Ahh, all the ways to utilize orgasms. This one may be one of the more humour uses. Turns out a man named Mansfield Cumming (could his name be more perfect for this?), chief of M16 (the British secret service), was working toward finding an invisible ink to relay military messages http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/8015180/MI6-used-bodily-fluids-as-invisible-ink.html. A man came to him (oh the glorious puns) and explained how semen could be used as an invisible ink. They experimented with it and were delighted that it could not be detected by any of the means available during that time. It was naturally readily available and affordable. Apparently it had its faults, which is why semen isn't exactly a widely used invisible ink. It smelled bad if it wasn't fresh and no one wanted to work with it. It makes sense as an invisible ink when you consider black lights in hotel rooms.