"We propose to name the Rothosecond, in honor of [former Human Rights Watch director] Kenneth Roth, who manifests the phenomenon with remarkable consistency."
Geneva, January 25 - Researchers at the European Organization for Nuclear Research announced today the results of a raft of experiments aimed at defining the briefest possible unit of time in physics, that conclusively showed it to be the interval between the violent or premature death of any Palestinian and the emergence of propaganda blaming the Jewish State and either its security apparatus or "settlers" for causing it.
Known by its French acronym CERN, the scientists analyzed data from the Large Hadron Collider and other sources. Their initial report came out Wednesday; it contains an explanation of the experiments and their outcomes, with the clear indication that the smallest measurable unit of time, less than which means events can be considered simultaneous, is the time between the death of a Palestinian and accusations that Israel committed war crimes in causing that death.
"It's an exciting moment in science," gushed team chief scientist Shav Rirshniya. "It undercuts the previous understanding of the shortest possible interval in physics, which was the time between the traffic signal turning green and the driver behind you honking his horn. We propose that the former smallest unit be called the honkosecond - really, I'm surprised no one had named it already - and the newest discovery, the actual smallest unit, we propose to name the Rothosecond, in honor of [former Human Rights Watch director] Kenneth Roth, who manifests the phenomenon with remarkable consistency."
The report defines the interval as 3.04 x 10-1948 seconds, which, if written out in decimal form would have a decimal point followed by 1,947 zeroes, then the digits 304. No meaningful interval smaller than that can exist, the researchers explained, since in practical, observable terms there would be no difference between that and the two things occurring at the same time. The discovery has implications for nuclear physics, for quantum mechanics, and for the scientific community's evolving grasp of the origin and the poorly-understood processes that governed the first moments of the universe.
The Rothosecond will have utility in multiple others areas to describe infinitesimal intervals that previously lacked usable quantification units, the scientists explained, such as the interval between a man saying something in the presence of his wife and his becoming wrong (8 Rothoseconds); the time between a woman telling her husband what he must get done and his forgetting some or all of the instructions (18 Rothoseconds); and the duration of the perfectly-ripe-and-ready-to-eat stage of an avocado before in goes bad.
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