As a stereotypical musician, I internalize my emotions. I use music instead of words as a release for these tumultuous thoughts that just bounce around in my head.
I recently received a message on FB that really, really encouraged me:
"My 12 year old daughter is a cellist. She was poisoned resulting in catastrophic brain damage. Also a triathlete, Irish Dancer, and Parkour practitioner, losing her mobility to celebrate life with her body and living in 24/7 agony for the last few years has been heart wrenching. Your music has given her some peace and relieved my stress as I care for her as a single mother with no support. She is working toward unleashing her gift on the cello again. You inspire her continued faith that in science or Faith she may find answers to her challenges. Thank you."
I responded:
"I've received some nice comments, heart-wrenching comments. This message really warms my heart. I struggle with depression, so I continue to create and process my emotions through the music I make available on YouTube. I've been through a lot of pain, the truth is...keep creating, don't stop. We can't wait for the world to feel sorry for us. I'd be happy to encourage your daughter in someway, maybe collaborate...maybe take something she's recorded and turn it into something beautiful."
Their answer:
"She’d like that a lot. She’s 1/4 Chinese and plays around with pushing the boundaries between the differing scales. She has heard a single raindrop as you composers do, and begun a work.
This is Betsy Tinney, she has played in a band with someone who also struggles with depression. They're based out of Seattle. You, Betsy, and 2Cellos keep Illyrian pushing through the so far untreatable pain to reach her inner depths of Mastery. She said she would be okay with dying except that she feels she has SO much to contribute before she leaves us and as, other than the losses with brain injury, she has a healthy body, I'm glad to hear that she wants to continue."
Here's something I composed after a breakup: