here is probably the best advice for you - know that there is nothing wrong with you. i think you are overwhelmed, and you think too much. however, there is a solution to that. don't ever think about taking medications, because there is no such thing! You either heal yourself or you die. And start either meditation or the best if you started listening to some abraham hicks videos for free on you tube. then you can find out that the more you try to understand, it is kind of a waste. get the basic understandings then you will be fine! good luck to you!