There are days where I don’t want to go on living. There are days where my heart feels so full and my chest is so heavy that somehow I come to the conclusion that hurting myself is the only way to achieve some sort of release. Life is hard and I often find myself wondering if I have what it takes simply just to exist. I am a Christian. I believe in God and I love him. I believe he loves me. But what scares me is that even with an infinite God with infinite love I still manage to feel so… worthless.
That being said I am also really, really, really freaking hilarious. Like honestly, give me one hour and I am guaranteed to be at least one of your top 27 of your favorite people to be around. If you are my boss I'll be one of your best employees. If I'm your friend I'll be one of your closest ones. If we are on each other's social media I’ll be your meme dealer (you know I got that good stuff). If we go to church together I’m always ready with the biggest and warmest hugs. Yet, during my shift at work, in the middle of us hanging out, not five minutes after posting that dank meme, or right before I gave you that hug I had to pull myself together to try and face a world that I don’t always feel like I have a place in.
This is where this journey begins. Before you see me looking cute in my well planned out wardrobe eating gelato in front of the coliseums of Rome I want you to know that this all started with a depressed young woman trying to make sense of heartache.
Depression is very real and it is devouring my community. I am assuming that if you are reading this that you or someone you love may be going through this same battle. So, let me just sit with you. I don’t want to waste this time with you while I have your attention but I’ve learned you can do more damage rushing to try to fix things when really the best thing to do is to acknowledge what you are feeling and then just cry it on out if you can.
So, If you got to cry go ahead and cry but, know that you are not crying on your own. When you are ready to dry your tears and face the world know that you don’t have to do that on your own either. Who knows? Maybe this pain that you feel may be the beginning of one of the biggest adventures of your life. I know it was for me.
I am a happy person but I am also a depressed one as well.
This is where this journey begins. Before you see me looking cute in my well planned out wardrobe eating gelato in front of the coliseums of Rome I want you to know that this all started with a depressed young woman trying to make sense of heartache.
#depression
#love
#travel
#health
