I don't know about you, but the last few years of my life have been the worst. I let myself get to a point where I was not putting in the time and love into my own self. I was giving it away to job(s), (I have always worked two or three jobs since I was 16. It's a norm for me. However the past few years of balancing the vanilla world and both demands of the adult industry were extremely crippling), balancing a boss, customers, artists, employees, colleagues, being my own boss, and online members. I was not getting enough back in return to be sustainable and maintain sanity.
About a year ago or more, it's a bit foggy, I remember declaring that I wanted to eat better again! For some reason, I always see the color green when I return to health. I remembered the side of pesto that I would always get at one of my favorite healthy little restaurants, and wanted to make it at home. I needed my super sauce at my fingertips! It was such a satisfying part of my meal, and it made a lighter based, healthy meal feel so perfect. I knew that I needed to bring something more inspiring into my home life. I needed to take control over my pesto! It sounds silly, but looking back now, it was one of the best moves I have ever made.
I remembered this vibrant woman I use to follow when I was part of a raw food online community! Bam thanks to google! I was reunited! Chef Heather Pace. Look her up if you are seeking even more raw food recipes. I plan on digging into more of Kris Carr as well. I'm not 100% raw, but I have enjoyed the benefits of adding it into my lifestyle.
I made the pesto for a while, and then quickly got caught up again in the rush, in the I don't have time to do anything, grab quick food, mode. Continuing to sacrifice myself and my needs. I was really feeling that lost soul in the sea of so many people, wanting this, texting that, calling, emailing, emailing, requests, social media demands, give me attention, do this for me, please me! Oh man. It was brutal. I allowed myself to escape it by drinking. Drinking every single night. At one point I was up to two bottles of wine. It was horrible. I would take 1 step forward, and literally 10 back! I have a history of social drinking. Like 10 years.....I put too much emphasis on the numbing out experience. I made excuses to not be more proactive. I wanted to sleep away my days and nights. Even getting myself to 1 bottle of wine a night was too much!
Lame right? One day I finally looked in the mirror. I stopped avoiding myself, and I almost didn't recognize myself. I was finally tired of my own shit. I was finally tired of all my lame excuses and finger pointing. I had enough, and I was finally ready. Of course the horrible health conditions I was starting to experience, were a proper wake up call. I knew that fresh air, proper nutrition, and vitality are some of the best forms of medicine one could turn to. I was finally ready.
I quit drinking cold turkey. My crutch, my social strength, my liquid courage. I gave it all up overnight. I remember having my last glass of wine on a Sunday night while camming. I barely had half a glass, and felt like I had the entire bottle. I woke up the next day, and was determined and dedicated to reclaim my soul.
I've been sober now for over a month! Each day I am feeling and experiencing changes and joy! I've lost 15 lbs and I have barely begun. I've been easy on myself. Allowing a lil more relaxation, baths, and have incorporated tea time into my afternoons. It's been great taking 10 steps forward and not really feeling any steps back.
On Valentine's Day, I decided to treat myself with love. I've wanted a food processor for so long, because making pesto in my Nutri bullet was not cutting it. I wasn't getting the texture and consistency that I was craving. It happened to be my day off, so I went out into the world(something I do not do often) in search of a food processor. To my surprise, I discovered not only a food processor but a spiralizer all in one! Talk about a Ninja! I have a lil manual spiralizer but we just have not had a dedicated connection. I went for it!
The next day, I made my pesto. I'm not kidding, it was such a glorious reunion. I practically cried. The ease of blending, scraping the sides, and watching it all come together was a moment I will remember for the rest of my life. It was THAT powerful!
I had armed myself with efficient tools. I had my super sauce again! I was elated. That night after cam, I snuggled up in bed, and in place of catching a few episodes of South Park (I've just started watching from the beginning. I never really watched any episodes before, and was immediately hooked. More of that in another post to come), I decided to I wanted to fill my brain with some inspiration and possibly some education.
I love documentaries. In the recent months, I have watched documentaries on : Scientology (I wanted to understand it more because somebody brought it up in chat), Happening: A Clean Energy Revolution (I wanted to watch something uplifting, Sleep Insomnia (Fascinating, can't believe how much I related with the guy), one on Addiction (humbling), and one on Suicide (it hit a good spot). They are all on HBO NOW, if you are looking for some good stuff to get perspective.
So this particular night, I couldn't find anything on HBO, so I stumbled over to Amazon Prime I think, or Netflix. I know, too many options. Hard to follow. Anyways, I came across What the Health. I've heard people talk about this one for a while now. I have seen various documentaries in the past, Fat, Sick, and nearly dead, Sicko, etc. I always try to extrapolate the key points to improve my health. Watching it in reality, watching people go through their struggles, and find peace of mind, is a powerful motivator.
After watching this latest documentary, I decided it was time to take out meat once again from my lifestyle. I have experimented with just about everything you can imagine. Way back in the day, with Adkins, to Paleo, to Raw Food, Vegetarianism, etc. Now that I was not drinking anymore, my strong urges for meat were rapidly declining. I knew that I needed to remove meat and dairy from diet. I know that I need to do my best to manage the hormonal disruptions I have been experiencing since last June.
----I speak my truths and my needs, I am NOT, I repeat, I am NOT telling anybody what to do with their choices. I know that food is a religion for humans. I am just sharing my journey. My choices. I'm so down to discuss, as long as people don't try and push their own beliefs on me. I'm not pushing here. I'm just sharing----
Today marks one week of eating vegan. I'm still undecided if I am going to eat eggs or not. I'm not going to put any pressure on myself until I am ready to make a decision. I have not had any yet. It's only been a week. If anybody has anything to share on eggs, feel free.
I've never felt so focused in my life. I've never been so dedicated to making the most out of every moment in a day. I am so thankful and feel so humbled from my past experiences. I value those challenges. They are great reminders of what happens when I don't dedicate enough time and effort to myself. Years back I use to always use the mantra, don't forget to fill up your love tank. Holy Toledo. No matter how many times I try, and no matter how many times I forget, I don't ever want to stop remembering. The more practice I get, the more longevity it creates.
I was not sure what I was going to blog about today. I was sitting here this morning, looking around, and then the sun came out of some dark gloomy clouds, and it hit me. Take photos and blog about my pesto process! I can enjoy the moments of sunshine, take some photos, make some pesto, feel and share in the magic. I wanted to share this recipe with anybody who needs a little magic in their life now or whenever you come across this post. It's a vegan recipe, and one that literally brings me to my knees in awe. I'm typing with the fresh remains of basil and cilantro permeating my fingers on my keyboard.
Back to the recipe. Heather used pistachios in her recipe, and I substituted cashews and walnuts in mine. Someday I would like to try it with the pistachios. I am now doing my best to keep a steady supply of pesto! I'm sharing it here how I have it posted inside my cupboard. Quick and easy reference for an easy task. Literally takes less than 10 minutes. Enjoy!
Thanks for taking the time to read! My goal is to post at least 1 blog a day. Some will be more in depth, some are going to be short and sweet, and all of them, I welcome your feedback, insight, and reflections. I want to connect, I want to communicate. I'm excited to be here! These photos were taken on my iPhone 6plus. I'm hoping someday to earn a great camera to continue my blogging experience. Your up votes mean a lot!
xoxo
d