It's not a 'right' to be disturbed or to be a serial killer, you know that! You went through a lot but thank God you are not such a person! But I think I know what you mean. I said to my doctor; 'I wish I was a psychopath, than I could take revenge without feeling guilty'. He said; 'No you dont want to be one, do you think they are happy people?! You'll end up in the "van Mesdag Kliniek". He is right I guess... But I still have feelings of hatred, so I think I know what you mean...?