HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL
There is one thing I really really hate about my life is the Mental Health problems I have. Yeah they are from what happened years ago but still at 61 they follow me around and turn up when I'm not expecting them.
We had a lovely day yesterday spending time with my granddaughter, I was so happy and shattered when I got to bed, my mood was good then I fell asleep. The whole night I had one nightmare after another, each one in the house that I grew each one had my parents in doing what they did to me, every time I woke up scared falling back to sleep and straight into another one.
Today my mood is very low as those nightmares are still hanging around plus those feeling I had when I was young are there. I am much better than I was, I usually come out of these downtimes much quicker. I haven't had nightmares for a long time not to the extent I had last night. I woke up feeling it was real, it felt very real. My daughter can't to see me waking me from another one, she said it might be best to get up to stop the nightmares, I did but have felt so sleepy all day. I can't remember how many nightmares I had just know there were quite a few
The above is the house I grew up in, the biggest window was my bedroom with my 2 older sisters, the little bedroom was my younger brothers and my parents room was at the back where my younger sister had a small bed, l this photo was taken after I had already left as there are brand new windows, the ones we had were worn out wood ones that moved in the wind. Opening the window was pretty dangerous as it was very loose. I don't know why I took the photo or why I have kept it, its there in my phone for me to see. I am pleased to say that the house is now owned by someone else, they've changed how it looks so it doesn't look like that house anymore.
I don't speak to any member of my family I've cut them all out and that's the way it will stay. Its the best thing I could have done for myself. Coming from a mother myself I was very disappointed and shocked how my very own so called mother left our relationship, we were never close even though I do so much for her she was never thankful, she lied which killed our relationship then when she was really poorly any normal mother would have at last tried but she didn't she died without owning up our apologising, this made me hate her more. I could never do this to my daughters, we have our arguments but are soon friends again, I couldn't live without them in my life. She's been gone for quite a few years now, I hardly think about her, I go past her birthday without thinking of her and this might sound awful to some people but hey we aren't all lucky enough to have loving parents, I often check the local obituaries to see if my again so called father has gone. He's still walking around pretending to be someone he's not. One thing he will never have is his great granddaughter, he's missing out on a wonderful precious little girl who will never hear there names or anything about them.
I'm off to bed now, worried incase the nightmares start again.
Thank you for visiting. 💟💟