You are correct sir. I have self medicated for a long time. I have sought professional help and at many times the medical professionals have not been able to meet my needs to help me receive medical attention. Hence, why I am trying to figure this damn thing out, that I have been dealing with since 04/05. I do feel my health is also greatly suffering. I have brown spots around my pupils, have night sweats and my side with my pancreas has been hurting for months. Your comment about death is how I feel most of the time and life is not meant to be lived that way. Hopefully, I can figure this out in half the time you did! Thanks for the comment about the office....that was about an hour after cleaning up beer bottles and cigarette packs. My wife takes care of the house and pretty much leaves me in my office(it's outside the house). Thank you for the well wishes sir.