Today is the start of the Easter holidays. It was with a fair spring in my step that I toddled into the living room this morning.
Huzzah for Easter!
I greeted the family.
Huzzah!!
They shouted in return.
I nodded in approval and headed off to the kitchen to make coffee for us all.
When I returned, I sat contentedly. Ah, having a few precious days off was going to be magnificent. Think of all the relaxed family time we could have? Today and the next few days was going to be full of the awesomes.
What's the plans for today then, babycakes?
I grinned at the good lady with love.
She grinned back.
We have a kids party to go to at a soft play!
The cheery grin slid off my face and puddled onto the floor.
Softplay.
I stated tersely.
I could think of nothing worse. I have often posted about the horror of softplay. Before I had kids, I used to think it sounded a bit kinky. A tad erotic even and always had a snigger at hand when I heard a parent mention it.
In my head were visions of love cuffs and salted honey rings.
You can imagine my fucking dismay when I first went to one and instead of a big velvety room full of cat-like women with leather hats I was presented with a big echoing cavern full of luridly coloured climbing frames with screaming and crying kids running about berserk everywhere.
Oh right. Soft play you say. A kids party? That's magic.
It wasn't magic.
Yeah, it's that Dinosaur one.
Beamed the good lady, thinking that everything was magic just like I said.
The Dinosaur softplay that is a 45-minute drive away?
That's the one!
I clenched my jaw closed so that a lizard-shaped scream wouldn't thrash it's way out of my mouth and start savaging the good lady.
Oh and I can't go because I have to take the little boom to see my sister.
I stared at the good lady as if she had just turned into a big jobbie and was singing Ave Maria.
translation - jobbie is a Scottish term for a big fat shite
Great.
We got our stuff together and toddled off. I threw the good lady some shade now and then before we left but she was blissfully unaware.
As I drove us there I contemplated how I would manage to cope through the next two hours of toddlers screaming and crying.
Suddenly something caught my eye. I hoiked the car off the next slip road like I was a baddie escaping from Starsky and Hutch.
Daddy, what are you up to?
Squawked the little lady as the g-force from whipping around a corner outdid that of a space launch.
Nothing lass, nothing at all. Just have to make a short stop. Daddy has spotted something!
We made our stop then got back on the road.
Much later we arrived back home after the party at the softplay. The little lady was hyper mad happy. Strangely enough, so was Daddy.
The good lady looked at me with a crab-fingered brow.
How come you are so happy? I thought you didn't like Softplays much?
I grinned and opened the bag that I had bought in. In it was a stack of exotic beers.
I found a new beer shop!!!!
I chuckled and did a mad dance.
What a Good Friday!!!!!!!