It's your brother, son, he has had to go into Hospital.
It wasn't quite the news I wanted to be hearing on a quiet Sunday afternoon. The good lady had taken the little boom out to the shops and it was only me and the little lady pottering about in the house.
I asked my mum a few questions and quickly ascertained that my brother was not in a critical condition but had been sent down for some tests as he had been feeling giddy. I arranged to meet my mum in the hospital asap.
I got off the phone. Although my dear old mum had reassured me that my brother was fine I was still worried. You don't usually get sent to Hospital for nothing.
I noticed the little lady staring at me wide-eyed.
You ok lass?
Her bottom lip trembled.
Daddy, I don't want Uncle C to die!
I raised my eyebrows a tad. For a start, I was barely aware she knew who her Uncle C was having met him rarely and them barely exchanging two words.
Don't worry lass? No-ones dying. He has just been sent down for some tests.
The little lady swayed back and forth like a rubbish palm tree in a tropical storm before collapsing to the floor.
Oh Daddy, I will miss him so much when he dies! Waaaahhahahah
Hot donkey damn, all this talk of death was making me feel a bit wobbly. I tried reassuring her kindly but firmly.
Listen up chicken pie, Uncle C is absolutely fine. Sometimes we have to go to Hospital just for a check-up.
As I said it I felt the stab of fear in my belly that it was something horrible. Please little lady, stop talking about him dying.
The little lady had curled up in a flowery dressed lump.
You ok, little one?
She raised her head up. Her eyes glistening and red.
If he dies I will never forgive myself!!!
Oh my god. This was getting out of hand.
Right you, stop it with the death talk. Nobody is dying.
I hoped I wasn't tweaking the nose of some capricious God.
Do you promise?
Reluctantly like that dude in Team America, I promised that no-one was going to die.
As soon as your mummy comes back I will head off in the car and go and visit him. Then I can come back and let you know how he is.
I'm coming with you Daddy.
No way lass. Under absolutely no circumstances is anyone coming with me.
I walked into the room where my brother lay on a bed with his special grumpy grump face on.
I nodded to him in that manly way that brothers do.
The little lady tore in behind me and threw herself onto the bed.
Please Uncle C, don't die. I couldn't stand it if you died today!!
Eh, who said anything about dying?
Said my brother furrowing his brow and looking at me.
Daddy did!
Yelped the little lady.
I shrugged my shoulders apologetically at my brother and mouthed silently over my daughters dramatically heaving back.
No I fucking didn't??!
note - he really is fine, despite my lovely daughter's pronouncements.