Today was my first day working in Edinburgh.
I left Glasgow on the hour long train journey. I had a coffee in one hand, my Kindle in another and Steemit lurking on my phone. All was looking good. I managed to grab a table seat and slouched down into a world of digital nonsense.
In no time at all it seemed I had gotten off the train and was walking into the new office that my company had laid claim to.
What a stupid name. It was a relatively small building. Only three floors but with lots of shiny glass.
I wandered in past a sleeping security guard and stepped over various workmen who were laying carpets and drilling things. A vast empty expanse of office space lay before me.
I heard what sounded like a goose honking whilst protecting her young.
It was El Jefe. He was standing in the middle of the floor talking to a bunch of folk, some of whom I vaguely recognised and others who were complete strangers.
I went over.
And this one... Well, this is BoomDawg. The man of the hour.
El Jefe waved an arm at me.
I gave him my best shut it, you knob smile.
The man he was speaking to leapt forward and extended a large and hairy hand. I shook it. It felt like I was wrestling an excited chimp.
You another weegie then eh?
He gargled in a thick East Coast accent which sounded like an otter gnawing at a bone.
I glared at him in utter contempt. Weegie being a slang term for Glaswegians that Edinburghers like to use and us folk from Glasgow hate.
Yes, I have been called as such by the uncouth.
I said in my finest posh Glaswegian accent.
He snorted whilst trying to decipher what I had said.
I snorted too. A snort that proclaimed East Coast folk to be less than Scottish.
El Jefe capered on the spot with delight.
Excellent. Excellent! Well, BoomDawg this is El Marron. He is the head of operations for our East Coast division!
I nodded my head to El Marron. He nodded back with a grin like an idiot child poking a stick in a a dog's anus.
He was short and stocky with wiry brown hair poking up from all sorts of places. I assumed he was a fetid thatchy nightmare for his wife.
El Marron stepped forward.
Now whur aw here like. We huv a loat tae dae eh? Whur gonnae ha' tae set up aw these desks. Ah hope yur no afraid of sum hard work!
I mean fucking what? What was that meant to be? How can he have gotten where he was by talking like a dog with a stone in its mouth?
We got divided into teams and for the rest of the day lifted furniture about. I was over the moon because by any measurement moving desks about is a piece of piss.
El Jefe caught up with me toward the end of the day.
Hard work eh! You will be sore tomorrow!
I presumed he meant from lifting things and not because I was going to get a punishment double ending from him and El Marron.
Oh yes, I guess I will.
I said in my best whining voice. I made a face as if to imply that it was the worst job I had ever had.
El Jefe grinned so hard at my perceived discomfort, he looked like Pac-Man.
Haha, magnificent. There will be more of this tomorrow and the days to come!
He strutted off victoriously as if he had finally laid the egg that had been stuck up his tobacco box.
When he was out of sight, I let out a happy sigh.
Oh yeah, this is soooo hard.
I smirked to myself.
When I finished, I got on the train and read my Kindle whilst slurping happily away at a coffee. Eventually I got home.
The good lady looked up sympathetically as I came in.
Oh heya. How was it? Was it awful? Was it dull?
I made a cat eating tofu face.
Yeah, it's terrible lass.
Oh poor you! I will do the bedtimes tonight, you should sit down and relax. Grab a beer maybe?
Really?
I beamed.
Cheers chick, hopefully it will get better.