I sat at my desk filing my nails. Since travelling back in time everything had been going pretty well. I had already taken on a couple of cases and solved them with debonair ease. I couldn't be any smugger if I was wearing a coat made of dead mice.
I hummed a jaunty tune as I thought of the Case of the Missing Pen in particular. That had been a thorny one but my incredible powers of detectivity had cracked it like a camel's hymen in almost no time at all.
The lady who owned the pen was most grateful.
What are you doing crawling around under my desk you bloody pervert?
She had squawked.
The pheromonal undertones of her words made it quite clear she wanted to pay for my services with something other than money, most likely salt beef.
I don't mix business with pleasure sweetcheeks.
I had tipped my hat to her and left.
Yep, life was pretty damn sweet. Back home, the good lady was the good lady even when bad and that was the way I liked my ladies.
I put the nail-file down and decided to treat myself to a coffee from the place just down the road. They made a fine cup of Joe and in my game it was the Joe that made you go. In more ways than one.
I grabbed my fedora and headed for the stairs.
The stairs were shadowy as I got near the bottom; some of the lights seemed to be out. I slowed my descent in case I tripped and went arse-over-tit and someone saw.
As I neared the bottom I noticed a strange metallic musky smell. A masculine, animalistic stink. I noticed the wall was wet near the bottom of the stair I stood on.
What's going on here?
I said quietly to no-one in particular.
I crouched and dipped my fingers into the wetness and sniffed them. The vinegary stench caused my eyes to water. I dabbed a finger to my tongue.
Hrrurrk.
I dry retched, the taste was foul. I could have been mistaken but it did not seem of this earth?
I looked about the stairwell for clues of what had gone on here and then I heard voices a level below.
...the sooner we get FUSION up and running the better...
My detective-o-meter began clanging. I leaned over the stair-rail to hear better.
Can we achieve this though? It has not been possible before.
We have the tech now but first we have to remove any... obstacles...
There was a chuckling then the sound of a door opening and the voices fading off.
What the hell had I stumbled into?
FUSION? Like the processes at the heart of the sun?
And nefarious shadowy men in shadowier stairwells talking in code? Now throw in the strange wetness on the walls that did not seem like anything from this earth?
There was only one answer to this and that answer was the testicularly versatile Detective BoomDawg...
I hurried down the last of the stairs into the blinding sun of the street.
There was no sign of the men who had been talking.
I nodded knowingly. The foul taste of alien man-musk was still thick in my mouth and my fingers burned with its noxious properties but I was happy...
It looked like I had a new case.
