It is no secret that recently I went with the family holiday to Ibiza for a massive two weeks.
Many people asked if I was going clubbing, others asked if this was a mission for the Dark Brotherhood, and some more astute folk asked if I was going to unwind and possibly get my beer on.
I like to throw in the odd dark brotherhood comment for the conspiracy folk to get all excited in their pants about. Even recently I was challenged for being a Satanist because of the tagline in my profile, I mean, honestly?
The correct answer of course was to unwind and indeed we all did. Despite the No Phonez rule, there was indeed some phonery for photos, in between larking about in the sand and drinking Pina Coladas at night.
Forgive the rubbish photo. I would like to blame the light and all that but the simple fact is that I was as drunk as a skunk after having already had three of these beasts
Dat's right sistaz, this man loves a Pina Colada.
So to wind up my holiday as I return to work weeping and a shell of the man I was before I went away I thought I would post a small selection of my slightly wonky pics along with evidence of a dark dark secret that I uncovered whilst drinking beer in the sun.
Let us begin.
Did you know that Ibiza, as well as having topless foam party bars and drug dealers outside every second pub in the south of the island also has an Old Town, Dalt Vila?
Well, it does and a rather splendid old town it is too with some parts of it dating back to the 7th Century BC.
The walls are bloody massive.
When you get to the top of them you get splendid views of the inside of the town and its quaint narrow streets.
And on top you get cannons! Lots of cannons. Some baseball-capped oik insisted on riding my gun whilst I tried to get a selfie. Grr.
Even though it is a historical tourist attraction the town is actually still lived in by many residents. However, when I checked out the price of this terraced little affair and saw it coming in at over 1.5 million euros I realised that it might be like New York in which no real people live. Only rich people pretending.
It was near this picturesque little square that I found the earth-shattering secret that will rock the world as we know it.
I am afraid to say that we have all been lied to and that Hitler did not commit suicide in a secret bunker at the end of WW2. Oh no. Instead, he ran off to Ibiza and spent the rest of his life dressing as a woman in a poor attempt to avoid being discovered.
Apparently, according to the plaque he gave birth to two strong sons and an albino before passing away in his favourite dress.
There were a lot of hills and red-faced people after climbing them.
And some very cool doors and windows.
Blue being very popular which is rather nice being my favourite'ish colour.
It is a very popular destination for Mediterranean cruise ships. This meant that I was genuinely surprised when I stopped in a busy street for some munchies and had what was probably the best food in my entire stay.
I won't bore you with the beach shots but I will say the beach and sea action is amazing. I didn't expect to have fish nibble my toes every time I popped into the sea.
And then finally the Sunsets. Always a pleasure as that meant it was truly beer o'clock and the party could begin.
I would love to say it is good to be back home but... meh!