That guitar will have to go!
I stared aghast at the Good Lady. My guitar? Go? Was she sailing down the beetroot river again? Surely, it could be the only explanation.
But. It is the only guitar I have left.
I bleated like a baby lamb denied the booben. (That's Swedish, or something. Maybe)
The Good Lady cocked a hand on her hip in a way that made both of us sigh with the inevitability of the dance we were about to embark on.
The Little Boom tried to play with it the other day and it fell on him! It's not safe anymore, he loves it and can't stay away from it, so it will have to go into the loft. Just for now. Not forever.
I looked at her as if she had just asked me to pass her a monkey-wrench and I only had a spanner.
But... But, it's the last thing I have that makes me a man?!
I wailed.
Don't be silly. You're still a man, baby.
The Good Lady stepped close to me and gave me a kiss. It was a long kiss. I felt a fluttering in my Lebanese Falcon. Was the Good Lady angling for some salt finch?
Wait a minute... Was she trying to soften the blow? I shoved her away.
I refuse. If the guitar goes then I go.
I said with a mad gleam in my eye.
What?! Are you nuts?
The Good Lady barked disbelievingly.
That's right, sister-girl. Time for you to choose. It's me... Or the guitar.
I clutched at my cheap concoction of wood and strings as if it were a bag of crispy goat hair.
We stood there, glaring at one another. Neither giving an inch. At that moment the front door snikked open and the Good Lady's Doula friend, Olette came waltzing in for her and the Good Lady's weekly witching session.
Hey, what's happening, guys?
She asked brightly.
I asked him to take his guitar out of the living room and put it up in the loft because it's becoming a danger to the Little Boom and he said no!
Exclaimed the Good Lady, with no shortage of accusation in her voice.
Olette raised a hand to her mouth in shock.
Oh no, not his guitar? Then there would be no music? Can't he keep it down here? Maybe behind the couch? The Little Boom couldn't get it there surely?
Olette smiled as if she had caught a big toad.
I cast my eye at her, she was looking very smug. I looked down at my guitar. I looked back up. Olette nodded, as if for me to take her offer quickly.
I raised my guitar up slightly and turned to the Good Lady.
You're right baby, it's a danger to the little guy. Up to the loft, it goes!
Olette let out a little gasp.
I smiled at her.
Ha. Take that you screeching goth magpie.