It's day gabbillion and tenteen of Lockdown.
I'm bored. I'm over it. It's shit. It's not even fun teasing folk at the supermarket by coughing like an asthmatic Grampa winding up the purple monkey anymore.
Fortunately, even in the midst of this drab locked down existence, there is still beer!
Although, if you read yesterday's post you will know that I am not entirely certain that tonight will score as a good beer.
It's a frightful looking thing I have to drink, fruity and sour and aged in bouron barrels.. I can't quite wrap my head around the barrel-aging of a fruity number.
Would I get the same equivalent by stirring some whisky into a cup of jam?
That, incidentally is most definitely not a euphemism for me dipping my Scottish Lightsaber into the Good Lady's dreich dark depths when the sharks are circling.
Make of that what you will!
So, what is this fetid skank-ho of a beer?
It is Viola - a sour ale aged in bourbon barrels for 14 months. Which of course sounds flipping lovely, until you read further and see the bit about cherries and blackcurrants being added after blending.
I mean, one or the other but both?
Yurgh.
I kinda feel like that time my mate and me drank raw eggs and chillies whizzed up in a blender with milk.
I shan't describe the aftermath in great detail.
To say we had mouths like a randy leper's vagina's after it would be a dramatic understatement.
However, once more, I digress.
Let's get to that tasting!
I think it is called Vild Viola or Viola Vild. The bottle has an alarming design which gives little away. I am scared to look and see if it is still in date.
Some things are best not known.
There is nothing I can say that I have not already said so let us shake our bacon!
Hot fucking donkeys. It's got a cork!?
This bodes ill. What kind of beer has a cap and then underneath that a cork!?
Oh noes. I feel tense.
I am not sure I like what I see. It is a reddish-purple with a slight fizz. It looks like lightly carbonated red wine.
Or plum juice. And I don't mean Scottish plums which tend to mean testicles.
It is a bit whiffy.
Still, the sun is still out. It might suit the day.
Here goes!
Good lord, it's like whisky wine with a dash of vinegar. I feel my eyeballs puckering inside my head. It is a strange sensation, Like licking the skin of a mackerel plucked straight from the sea.
My mouth feels tainted with the tang of balls and sorrow. It's fucking awful. It tastes like old fruit picked up from a barbers floor and muddled under dirty feet.
0/10 booms!!!
0/10 booms!!!
Boak. I feel sullied. Like that time I stayed in a friend's house overnight when I was a teenager and they put me up in his sister's room who was a nun and I ended up being forced by myself to wear one of her habits and chastise myself.
Life can be a strange thing.
Still, fuck it. I have many other normal beers. I'm off to get lockdown humped on the beer.
Cheers everyone, have a good weekend and a safe lockdown!