I was overseeing the loading of one of my trading ships accompanied by my able assistant Button. That's right. The one with a face like a well-skelped arse.
One of my trading colleagues Willard Ferenczy approached me on the dock. He is an annoying old fellow, Willard. He has a handsome, although horse-like face which makes me intrinsically distrust him. After all, a gentleman should never cavort with other gentlemen of fair face.
It's not seemly.
Hail and well met Mr Boom!
Bellowed Willard.
It's Uncle Fucking Boom you rum-addled twat.
I replied kindly. They do say, that one must keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer.
He wrinkled his face at my retort as if eating a Languedoc pastie.
Yes, yes Uncle Boom. Well, I suppose we must observe the pleasantries, being gentlemen and all. How fare you on this brisk December day?
Sadly the Gentlemans code forbade me beating him to the deck with my cane.
The day finds me well. As you can see, I am loading my ship. I expect a good run from this one. All of the spices are up don't you know?
Willard, handsomely, yet disapprovingly looked at my cargo.
Bloody peppercorns and coffee beans? Where is the adventure? Where is the risk in that?
I stiffened, one might say whatever one wishes of a man but one should never mock a mans cargo. I spoke softly.
I have jars of pickled ginger root for the Americas too. You know they love that kind of thing for their, ahem, night jamborees. The name of the game is profit Willard, not flights of fancy that can ruin a fellow.
Willard looked smug.
Perhaps flights of fancy can make one a fortune...
Oh bloody go on. What are you carrying then?
Limequats.
I sniffed the sniff of a man who has smelt a corpse farting.
Bloody what cats?
He produced something from a deep pocket.
That's a bloody lime.
It's a cross between a Lime and a Kumquat actually.
Replied Willard smugly. He went on.
They are very popular in the...
Button!
I interrupted his nonsense.
Give Willard a kick in the pishflaps, I have never heard such shite.
I took my pipe out and puffed merrily away as Button proceeded to the task with gusto.
Boom!? Boomy?!? What about the code!?!
Wailed Willard, as Button administered a good old fashioned leathering.
Hmm.
I thought for a moment. Then decided.
Oh and Button, when your done, stick one of his "limecats" up his arse.
Now, where was I?
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What a magnificent day and what better way to end it than to look up my fellow steemians in need and lend them some...
Horrifyingly the SpamFarmers are learning. I received nothing in the chats but my comments were bombarded with a new breed of upvote fishers. I have attached a couple of example conversations.
SpamFarmer1: your total writing my favourite...i think you are very beautiful writer in this steemit thank for sharing your valuable content.
😍😍😍
UncleBoom: And I thank you for such beautiful words. They remind me of the time I played fiddle to the grand Duke and his daughter caught my eye
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SpamFarmer2: thanks for sharing your valuable content..best of luck my friend..carry your activity..
UncleBoom: I laughed very much when I checked to see if you had voted. Haha, of course you hadn't you unwiped arse!
SpamFarmer2: yes.. but i am very sadness.. you say to create this name for me..😰😰😰😰
UncleBoom: It makes me sad too when people comment on a post to say they like it but they do not vote. It shows that they are hoping to get a comment upvote and probably do it a lot.
I will flag you now. But know this, my heart is heavy in the doing and I am shedding a tear
SpamFarmer2: please my friend withdrow your flag..i am extremelly sorry..i don,t understand this post..please please don,t do this😭😭😭😭😰😰😰
UncleBoom: It hurts me the doing of the thing. Know that I take no pleasure in this. Tonight I shall forego the anointing of the bishop because of the deeds of this day
Splendid. Well, please remember. If you feel the need, you can find me on the steemit chats or, in breaking news... DISCORD!!. Remember... Anonymity is assured, after all...
