I hear you. I have my own issues and can only share my thoughts.. You are so unbelievably brave baring your soul like you did, I'm in awe! Simply admitting you have an issue is a major step you should be unbelievably proud of. For me distraction helps. I tend to get obsessed with new things, like say, steemit. The meditation advice was excellent. I have not read about your disabilities so I can't advise further. Yoga helped me, but wasn't a cure all, nothing will ever be. Life is unbelievably hard and I really understand your dilemma. This is what has helped me *notice help not cure...when I have felt rock bottom desperate I have got down on my knees and asked God/the universe/whatever there is... to help. Help will come in unexpected ways, I guarantee this, just trust. Don't beat yourself up. Life is tough and you already have a lot to deal with. 💚