Fall is upon us! How can I tell?

Really? You can't see it?

C'mon, every white girl raised within western civilization is donning their UGGs and autumn themed leggings that they bought from Forever 21 while sipping pumpkin spice soy lattes and changing their iPhone backgrounds to desolate dirt roads covered with fallen leaves.

This has to mean that we have safely arrived to Autumn:2017!

^{Organic, cage-free pumpkins.}

Let me paint a picture for you:

So there I was standing in Trader Joes (the basic white girl's heaven) and every aisle that I turned down was covered in stereotypical Fall goodness...I couldn't stop the disease.

 Suddenly, I found myself taking pictures of every single pumpkin-themed product that I could find. I was like a crazed maniac running around the store taking pictures.

^{Ooooh, marbled pumpkin}

Soccer moms from all walks of life were stopping to stare.

^{For your pumpkin sundae}

Staring turned to pointing.

^{For the on-the-go pumpkin lovers}

Pointing turned to heckling.

^{Pumpkin Ale, for the pumpkin drunks}

Before I knew it, the entire store was headed to the frozen section and grabbing bags of organic, cage-free, non-GMO green beans and large pepperoni sticks (also organic, cage-free, non-GMO and without nitrates)...

They began chasing me like a pumpkin fueled zombies!

It must have been the samples in the back...

^{0% milkfat?! What a rip-off}

"I didn't grab no shoes or nothin', Jesus! I RAN for my life!"

^{Fall Harvest is just code for Pumpkin Spice --->woke}

First they threw their food...

^{For the pumpkin lover with a cold}

Then they threw their UGGS...

^{For the health conscious pumpkin lovers}

Lastly they threw their iPhone 8s 

(Which was ok with me, they should've bought Androids to begin with, friggin' hipsters.)

^{Autumnal Harvest? Yeah, definitely just Pumpkin Spice --->woker}

They chased me for miles...

I can only assume that their stamina came from the non-GMO foods.

^{Craft brews - For the basic white boys in our lives that can't handle whiskey}

I looked over my shoulder and to my surprise, many had disappeared. 

They must have stopped at that Starbucks I had just ran past.

^{More organic, cage-free, grass-fed pumpkins for pie making}

I could see a Bath & Body Works up ahead...A light in this darkness.

^{When your pumpkin spice latte just isn't enough in the mornings}

I darted inside and pushed my way through the already dense amount of people.

^{When your pumpkin spice latte and country pumpkin spice granola cereal just isn't enough in the mornings}

Trying to avoid the intoxicating smells of my last 25 holidays, I stayed low.

^{Meh, I can't argue with this one, I love cheesecake.}

After what seemed like hours of wading through a sea of Birkenstocks, fake UGGs and leggings, I spotted the back door.

^{A pumpkin bouquet, for that special pumpkin lover in your life}

In that moment, I knew that once I reached that door, I was safe.

^{Pried from the corpses of organic, grass-fed pumpkins}

I pushed my way through the crowd...

^{For when you are craving a tiny pumpkin snack}

Narrowly missing a sales zombie trying to spray me with pumpkin chai body flavoring, I reached for the door knob...

^{The hell is a kringle?! Must be a Danish thing.}

Turning it, I looked over my shoulder...

^{For when your pumpkin soup seems a little bland}

To my delight, my persuers had been captured by their favorite holiday smells...

^{For your kringle...What even is a kringle?!}

My plan had worked!

^{For the snack trays at your pumpkin themed fall festival}

I turned and walked out of the back door and found myself in a back alley...

^{Pumpkin Treats for your basic pumpkin loving dog.}

Closing the door, I reached for my phone - All of the photos were still there. Success!

^{For your pumpkin brunch}

I knew exactly what had to be done...Fate had allowed this tale to be told once more - so of course, I had to post it to Steemit.

^{For, well, whatever you use body butter for...}

Thought this was the end of the journey? Think again.

^source

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Alright guys and gals, I hope you all enjoyed this original content! If you did, please feel free to upvote and follow! And as always, if you have questions or advice for me, please leave them in the comments.

_{Disclaimer: This tale was inspired by events that didn't actually happen. Don't sue me, bro.}

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