Greeting fellow steemians. I am going to talk about recent ah ha moments I have had about myself which is super important when expanding awareness. The deeper you know your self, the deeper you will understand and gain true perception of what is happening around you and why. Often times I push the limits on how much I can do, without practicing self care. When I did this I lived in a severely off balance state of mind due to a past filled with mostly severe abuse of all kinds, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. I often joke and tell people I'm certified crazy as a way of saying, "This site is under construction." I'm really reprogramming and rebuilding myself from the ground up. Not in some broken way, but in the same way a young lobster would bust out of its shell and need time to create a new shell. I am rapidly adapting a new frame of mind and its exciting but also, a lot of work.
It has been quite an experience getting to know who I am and what I can do to avoid unwanted issues. One of my ah ha moments was finding out what a psychic vampire is. It is amongst other labels for things I've experienced. It's funny because first I would notice these traits in others, I was the last person I thought was doing these things as well. I'd think "Oh yeah, I use to be like that" No no,el oh el, you're still doing these things, stacecase. So for those of you who don't know, a psychic vampire is someone who can potentially deplete someone's energy causing the other to become off balance as well. At least in the cases I have experienced.
To really drive it home I'll give an example of psychic vamp tendencies I displayed recently. I was feeling sick for the past week and I really wanted to be taken care of instead of taking care of myself. I would make my kids do things that they didn't want to do for me. Things I could easily do myself such as fetch me the remote or grab my glasses or pass me my cup. It doesn't sound very bad but really these are things I could physically do myself yet here I was treating my kids like they need to take care of me. I'd tell myself "You're teaching them how to be caring." False. I'm teaching them how to be narcissistic because they aren't paying attention much to what they are doing, more like what mommy wants them to do. The difference is kids are copy cats. They don't learn from themselves especially in a narc household. They learn from watching you. I've picked up this nugget of knowledge quite recently. Thank goodness. I don't want to bring my kids up to be like that, the way I was brought up. I want them to be self aware beans of of light, sure, but on their own terms and not all the time. Since I realized this I just kind of see them differently. I feel like getting to know myself is helping me get to know them better. Not how I want them to be but how they actually are. Little beans in a human body. So no more filipino mom syndrome (anyone who listened to the filipino comedian Rex Nevarte or Jo Koy know what I'm talkin about!)
Now that I know what it is, what can I do to prevent this is really taking the time to practice self care not only mentally but physically and emotionally and spiritually, all of the above. Not leaving those very important jobs to anyone else but me since in the end that's who I have to live with. This is where I reside and this is where I have to begin, not in the future or past but where I am right the fuck now. And that's beautiful. Knowing is beautiful. Ok fellow steemians, I'm off to go practice some self care on this fine Sunday. Big thank you to 
