It's all starting to make more sense now.
The Wednesday night we met, it was supposed to be one night thing. I kept drinking the devils drink, vodka soda lime. Suits him!
I can barely remember what he was talking about, I was just so intrigued by him, his looks, his perfect smile, his eyes... I wanted to see him again. He was visiting Brisbane for work, but weekly, we agreed to see each other again the following week. Jason. His name was Jason, but I called him Clooney, but a younger version of Clooney, and so much more perfect.
He was from Melbourne, and when I think back, it all makes sense. He never called, only texted.
He would be very quiet on weekends. Once I told him I have friends in Melbourne and I'd like to visit them, especially now that I met him. I never been to Melbourne before, but I wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him. I should've seen the alarm bells go off then , " I can't see you on a weekend, I will probably be working on my sons car", "I have to stay home in case my daughter needs a lift from somewhere" if it wasn't that excuse, it was something else, but I was so naive and I believed him. I mean, divorced, 3 kids, of course he will be busy... 2 teenager boys, 19 year old daughter, he wasn't quite changing nappies to be that busy, but I believed him.
Flashback: Week after we met, I told myself I can't let my feelings go, it's just going to be a fling and once he stops visiting Brisbane for work, it will all end anyway. I had a life too, separated, 2 young children, it was all to much and I just wanted to concentrate on my children and myself. We talked about it and I mentioned I wasn't ready for feelings, and he happily agreed. It was just fun. But then it become more, we held hands, the kisses were more passionate, he was so much more sweet and kept saying how much he liked me, how I was his drug and he couldn't get enough of me... That's when I let loose and let my feelings go for him. I'd like to say it was the biggest mistake of my life, but the short time we saw each other, it was the moments I will always tresaure. But it has also changed me.
Flashback: In the elite we were trained to not have feelings. It was all a big game of chess. It was a business, and every man had a type. They would walk in like they owned the world, dressed in their expensive suits, picking a companion like picking steak at the butchers. They thought because they had money, they owned us, but little did they know.
Soon enough most of them were under someones spell. The elite is everywhere, we don't talk about it, what happens there, stayes there. We have rules, but some of us didn't have to follow them. Some say it was a luxurious life, best champagne, money, gifts, cars, yacht trips. Singapore today, New York the next week and Bahamas the following. 5* hotels, caviar for breakfast and these men, looking at you like you were their Goddess. Drugs, parties, everything was well played. But it was all fake, it wasn't real. Soon enough they would find a new type and move on. But we were trained to do that, we didn't care. It's like we were brainwashed to be a certain person, a second persona. I had a different name, different background. I was who I dreamed to be. But quickly it all faded away. I become more and more numb to people, cold, empty. I needed to leave the elite, but once you are in there, brainwashed, it's not that easy and there are consequences.