I have always been one to hang onto relationships and try to make them work especially if we connect on a deep level. However, my recent experiences have shown me that we outgrow most of the relationships we try to hold onto.
I have come to realize that it is not just about how much fun you guys have, or in terms of romantic relationships, how good the two of you look together. The movies have fooled us into being so superficial when it comes to love. We think that it is as easy as spotting each other across the room and having an instant connection. This leads to a few drinks, a few laughs and an exhilarating time in bed.
After the few months of euphoria where you can't keep your hands off each other, the real aspects of the relationship come to light. You both had a life and dreams before the relationship. Especially if you are an ambitious lady who knows exactly what you want, you start realizing how different both of you are.
One of the questions to ask before committing to a long-term relationship is:
Are our values aligned?
If both of you have different value systems, you are in for a rocky relationship. For example, if you believe in respecting people around you, especially your elders and your better half thinks that respect is earned, no need to dish it out so freely…If you come from a close-knit family and your relatives are always in your business, will you be shocked when your other half abuses your mother for saying something that rubs him the wrong way? Or curses out your aunties for always coming to visit?
What kind of experiences have they had?
Can you imagine if you are a first-born brought up in a family where you assumed responsibilities at a very young age, and your better half is the only child and his mom still buys him boxers?? Do you think that he will meet your expectations of what a man is supposed to be like? A ‘mamas boy’ will always be a mamas boy. If all he is used to calling mommy whenever he needs help, don’t expect him to step up to the plate when a situation arises.
How do they react to obstacles?
How people react to obstacles really tells you a lot about a person’s mindset. Do they give up once an obstacle arises and wallows in self-pity calling themselves a failure? Or do they get up, dust themselves off and become even more determined to beat the odds?
Because when you commit to a long-term relationship, you will be facing life together. And if they can’t handle obstacles well, they will drag you down by being a burden you have to carry.
What kind of environment are they constantly in?
Most people make the mistake of not being conscious of the environment they are in. not knowing how much of an influence it is in their lives. If your darling is hanging around nobody’s who have no aspirations or criminals or generally people with questionable character, they will subconsciously pick up those traits.
If they are hanging around business conferences, art galleries, networking forums or any value-adding friends and activities, know that one is a keeper because they are heavily invested in themselves and can only get better.
Are they able to anticipate your needs?
There is nothing as frustrating as staying with someone for a few months and they still don’t know your fuck off face. Or don’t know how to press the right buttons to turn you on or get you out of your funk!
If you guys are not in sync, maybe the bedroom is what is keeping you guys together. And that is not enough to sustain a long-term relationship.
The best relationship is when you are best-friends and lovers at the same time!