In the sessions that I have had of attention to couples, the general situation is how they communicate, it is in what they say what they say, example: when it says "I do not have time to talk to you, when we are more aware of checking the cell phone when you I'm talking, what you say is not important to me, I'm not interested in what you say, again you with the same thing "; there is interruption of communication, if said in this way is different: "I hear you say that, I understand what you mean, it is important for me what you say."
Communication in the couple is a human need, how do we communicate, how do we speak ?, How do we listen ?, How are we communicating ?, Disqualifying the other, devaluing each other, from guilt, from resentment , from rage, from sarcasm, from ridicule to the other, from open situations and if so I'm doing to close them, where do I communicate with my partner ?, check with the other any doubt, it is very important to communicate in the here and now, without resorting to situations of the past: You remember that two years ago you ...; what you did to me such and such a day, it is impossible not to communicate until silence is communication, to listen is even to communicate.
Each of the people are unique, we have our own history, our maps, introjects, beliefs, significantly influencing our communication, for better or for worse, we communicate through knowledge, memories, desires, judgments, feelings, thoughts, in giving or receiving information. Communication is one of the essential needs of the human being from the point of view of psychology, according to Walter Riso, says that communication is something more than words is mutual understanding.
It should be noted that healthy in a couple of any kind, I repeat of any kind, is to carry out life projects together, establish paths, take life with humor, laugh is communicate, share dreams; certainly the writer Paulo Coelho says that the possibility of realizing a dream is what makes life interesting.
I invite you to do this exercise as a couple: sit down both, in bed standing or sitting and hold hands and look in front of your eyes before you choose who is A and who is B. A is going to tell B 10 things that it annoys or bothers him or her, for example: "it bothers me about you that you do not stop me when I talk to you"; and then vice versa; in the 2nd session, 10 things of what he or she appreciates: "I appreciate you that value me" and vice versa. Then tell yourself how you feel with each other, tell yourself that you expect each other. Hopefully they end up giving each other a big hug and their respective kiss !!!.
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Then from his inner part, wondering in his intimacy with himself, of the skin inwards, what did I feel at that moment? What do I feel now? How do I feel in this moment? What do I realize? I repress my expressions ?. On occasions we communicate in an honest and honest way of the other for fear of being abandoned, because I have already been abandoned, and I am stuck to a meaningless relationship, suffering, without stopping to suffer; A friend asked her partner if you really love me and the husband answered if I love you, and she answered and if you love me because you make me suffer; not to communicate with the other also has to do in some cases with the fear of being abandoned, not to be loved, excluded, manipulated, controlled and I insist the fear of abandonment, the fear of being abandoned makes us leave before they abandon us.
The creator of the Gestalt Therapy Fritz Perls to recite in his workshops in the 60s a few verses that became the Gestalt prayer, couples had to look each other in the eye while saying the verses: "I am me and you are you, I am not in this world to fulfill your expectations and you are not in this world to fill mine, if we agree well but bye, I am me and you are you ".
Therefore, it is preferable to break a link when all the instances have been exhausted, in communication all the opinions are legitimate we can not assume that ours is more valid than the other, it depends on us that the words or gestures of the other hurt us , we are offended, conflict is part of life, conflict is inevitable, there must be a desire to resolve the conflict; it is important to resolve it by talking, dialoguing, talking to resolve disagreements is to contribute to improve communication, I invite you to communicate without pettiness, without provocation and give yourself the opportunity to reconcile relationships; Psychologist Jorge Bucay says that communicating is getting in touch with the other, understanding that the other is different.
One of the attitudes that has most worked for me with couples sessions is the following: when they return home after their daily tasks, where their family (children, couple, others) awaits them, estimate a limit on the time for disconnect from cell phones, average at 7 p.m., from that time dedication to your family, then tell me your experience.
Raising awareness and taking responsibility for how we communicate, how good it is to be able to say sorry, I regret it, and not argue for discussing, it is best to talk, talk and again nurture trust, Tito Livio a Roman historian said for people to trust we must first learn to trust others.
If you do not communicate with your partner today assertively, tomorrow could be late; We are not that for which we are different; If we love each other because we do not communicate better, or is it that we no longer love each other ?. Analyze yourself.