To continue with this topic of my previous post, I share this story, one day Meher Baba asked his disciples the following: why do people shout when they are angry ?, Because we lose our temper, said several, that's why we shout, But why scream when the other person is by your side? Baba asked, is not it possible to speak to him in a low voice? Why do you shout at a person when you are angry? The men gave some other answers but none of them satisfied Baba, finally he explained: when two people are angry their hearts are far away, to cover that distance they must shout to be heard, the more angry they are the stronger they will have to shout to listen to each other through that great distance; Then Baba asked: what happens when two people fall in love ?, they do not shout but they speak softly, their hearts are very close, the distance between them is very small. Baba continued, when they fall in love even more, what happens? They do not speak, they just whisper and become even closer in their love, finally they do not even need to whisper, they just look at each other and that's it, how close are two people when they love each other !, then Baba said: when you discuss do not let your hearts go away, do not say words that distance you more, one day the distance will be so great that you will not find your way back.
But to be able to focus on those positive aspects of your partner, on those virtues, on those qualities, which is where you are going to anchor when you have a problem, or situation, I prefer to tell you a situation, since it is temporary, it is temporary; It is to this practice that I suggest you do in a way that softens all those tensions, especially in these realities in which we are living, I invite you to do an exercise that is related to how much do you know your partner? , if you stayed in that stage of falling in love and still do not delve into the interests of your partner, what does your partner like? What are your needs? What are your projects? What are your ideals? Then I leave a test that will help you to measure part of that knowledge about your partner, its characteristics that will help you when facing those differences and get out of them by positioning the couple in a conflict resolution stage in a way fluid and effective.
To measure the current state of your love and admiration system, answer the following questionnaire. Mark V if the sentence is true, and F if it is false.
- 1.I can name without effort the three things that I most admire in my partner?.
- 2.When we are separated, I often think with love in my partner?.
- 3.I often find some way of saying to my partner "I love you»?.
- 4. I often touch or kiss my partner with love?.
- 5.My partner respects me?.
- 6.I feel loved and cared for in this relationship?.
- 7.I feel accepted by my partner?.
- 8.My partner finds me sexy and attractive?.
- 9.My partner excites me sexually?.
- 10. Is there fire and passion in the relationship?.
- 11. Is romance still a part of our relationship?.
- 12.Am I really proud of my partner?.
- 13.My partner enjoys my achievements and triumphs?.
- 14.I can easily remember why I decided to share my life with my partner?.
- 15.If I could go back, I would join with the same person?.
- 16.We rarely go to sleep without showing some love or affection?.
- 17.When I enter a room, my partner is happy to see me?.
- 18.My partner appreciates the things that I do in our relationship?.
- 19.My partner likes my personality?.
- 20. Is our sex life generally satisfactory?.
Score: Score one point for each "true" answer. Then if you wish we will share your results, if and only if you wish, in the comments at the end of this post .
To counteract this harmful effect the next step is focused on directing your attention towards the qualities and virtues of your partner, it is impossible for your partner not to have positive qualities in the same way that it is impossible for you not to have them, in fact many of those qualities They are the ones that got us hooked, we fell in love and the one that allowed us to start a life as a couple, if you concentrate on enjoying the good that there is in your relationship and in your partner and so you let him know, you will feel better, and you will your partner is in a better position to do the same for you, as nothing is infallible immediately any change you initiate will need time, a time to show its beneficial effects and to consolidate, an experiment, for example, try not to bring it to light the defects, problems "situations" and frustrations of the relationship or your partner during a season, at least a week, set a goal, or 3 days and focus on showing that you like and s Atisface of the relationship of your partner and change your behavior, the latter before yourself (or) so that you can go reaffirming the positive, because when we are angry or we have a big difference in some situation, the first thing we do is remove the negative from the other as a protective shield to defend myself and make him see that the culprit is the other and I am always right.
That is why I focus on, "treat your partner as if you love her", and how is that? It's true, you love your partner, but they are in a bad mood with each other, more than you would like , they argue frequently, between both there is a tension that is not resolved, when you stop to think you realize that they react as if the problems were the center and there is little space for demonstrations of love and affection, on the contrary the demonstration is of anger and resentment, that is precisely why it is time to reconnect with that part of you that loves and let it show itself in all its splendor, focused on conflict and discomfort, these are in a spiral of enlargement of the problem or situation, for change something the best is to adopt a different behavior than the current, if you act as a happy couple who loves, your feelings and the climate of the relationship will undergo a change and most likely improve the well-being of your partner and show you affection in answer to what bu If I receive from you, it is even possible that the frequency of the discussions decrease, now, you will say, well, and why does this happen to me ?, because of the couple you are the person who is getting the tools " ", and of the two, someone takes the responsibility or the voice to move to the next level.
Train goodwill toward your partner, goodwill means wanting the best for the other even in adversity, disagreement and fight to maintain confidence, despite the discomfort that has generated a conflict the conscience and goodwill are essential for build a successful, rewarding and full affective relationship. The disposition of good will leads your partner in what is and to pay attention loving, as well as tolerate the difference, even the desire to be different, good will encourages you to be active in your manifestations of love. To take the initiative, to make peace, to give love, to give support, to give understanding and the great advantage is that goodwill is contagious, how is it for you to act with good will with your partner ?, ask yourself in this Moment, eye, make peace and give love does not mean getting to the sexual relationship.
For my next post and to close Resilience, a transformative weapon I will approach the topic "quality time with your partner, are you interested in the well-being of your partner? ", Where I will share tips that can help you overcome the challenge of being a couple 5.0 from the point of view of Resilience.
Ahhh, remember to make your comments on your score in the test on what position is your system of love and admiration for your partner and thus go building "wellness together" one day at a time.