Just because you are right, does not mean you are righteous
This phrase has been haunting my thoughts for a day or so and that usually means that I need to explore it a bit deeper because it normally points to a spiritual shortcoming I am falling prey
to.
Growing up extremely poor and overweight (most of the time) I fell into concentrating the whole of my identity upon my intelligence. I might not be the best athlete (except football), I might not be the most hansom, and I definitely couldn't buy what the other kids had, but being smart....that was one area I felt comfortable with. It made me feel special. It was not something you could buy and it was not something that could be taken away from me....it was mine....it was me.
As I become older and became a bit wiser due to the rough lessons life will throw at you, I let go of superficial things and became extremely comfortable in my own skin and with my own resources. The hurt of rejection from my youth faded and I tried to evolve as best I could...I tried to be better today than I was yesterday (still try). But one sneaky attribute that stayed hidden and intact was the obsessive compulsion to be right....to always be right.
Somewhere deep in my subconscious some of my identity is anchored to my intelligence and therefore, if I am not right in almost every situation it triggers deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. I feel "less than" when I'm not right and the deepest part of my being fights that battle almost without my control.
In my obsession to be right, I know I have hurt people's feelings, belittled them, and stopped at nothing to prove my correctness. But in doing so did I sacrifice my morality, my feigned righteousness to be right?
as it is written: None is righteous, no, not one; Romans 3:10 ESV
Of course I do mean being literally righteous, I mean am I sacrificing relationships, humanity, and common decency to protect an ancient identity in me that should have died in me when acne did? This is definitely an area I want to work on...I want to be better...there has to be a balance between being right when necessary (life or death decisions) and holding my arrogant tongue when it really doesn't matter.
Thanks for making it to then end of my little spiritual dilemma lolol Is this something anyone else struggles with, or is it just me?
All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter,
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost
-Tolkien