I live the same stuff you do captain, maybe not an outright facsimile but certainly understand the types of thoughts you portray in them writings as I have certainly had/have them as well.

End of the day life is short, enjoy it when/while you can, it isn't all bad.. and can always be better or worse.

Either way man, you're golden, try not to shit kick yourself too much, dwelling on your own thoughts is often a fuckin' crapshoot.

Cheers!