Finding my Steemit voice while still trying to find myself...
The last few days have been a struggle to gather enough of my erratic thoughts to find an idea to write about. In my #introduceyourself (here) post I touched on themes I consider important to me and I think these will be the areas I want to explore through #autobiographical #writing. Topics I aim to offer a different perspective on and in doing so, therapeutically work on these ongoing issues that unfortunately can be a daily struggle.
The two are intertwined and interrelated. My past spent in what I called 'The Truth Movement' and the brain injury which happened in my late teens. The side effects being so strange, enlightening and dark and still difficult to describe still to this day.
The most challenging and life changing was as I started to regain #consciousness and become aware of what happened, I felt different. In such a way that I can only describe it now as being like waking up a different or new person.
Being a ‘different person’ and having to relearn basic things like reading wasn't instantly understood an I would try and hide it, not knowing how to cope with something so intense especially at that age. The effects weren't all necessarily debilitating as I found that some parts of my mind had been enhanced or sped up. Initially I felt some senses had been heightened but having a huge amount of data pouring in was a form of sensory overload.
I am however grateful for the experience as not only was I lucky to survive the accident but it makes me who I am today and I'm not only comfortable with myself, I like who I am. If I had to go experience all the things that the injury brought to arrive at this point, so be it.
Having gone through a lot of ‘internal exploration’ to find out who I was, I can see comparisons with the concepts involved when you are starting the journey of being #awake #woke or more recently, taking the #redpill
I saw #Steemit as a way to present thoughts and observations I feel may be of help to the people who, like me, might feel chewed up, spat out and left behind by the now mostly #YouTube and other echo chamber based truth movements. To try to represent the consumers of #truth and not just comment on the content creators and allow for discussion about the effect this may have on its viewers.
I caught a glimpse of my former consumer self as I examined some patterns I saw being repeated in the current version of this 'movement' while writing my last post. I tried stepping backwards into the viewpoint I held when I was deep in the rabbit hole and then tried viewing the current version of what essentially is meant to be exposé of government corruption. I instantly realised my old ‘truther’ worldview wouldn't have accepted the self proclaimed ‘awakened’ praising any politician.
This showed me that any opinions I may have are not compatible with the current incarnation of the truth movement. I had learned a long time ago to try and keep specific opinions, especially political views, out of the conversation in today's online climate. The argumentative nature that appears around discussion of the ‘truth’ is not new but it has increased to a level where one ‘awake’ group is trying to get another ‘awakened’ group #redpilled through attacks on their version of the truth.
So without using any specific examples or my personal beliefs, I have struggled to figure out the best way to discuss my observations and experience dealing with the history of the truth, conspiracy or alternate communities.
Having the brain injury played a part in my reasoning for engaging in truth seeking. I think the psychological and often surreal things that can be created by the mind is the best way for me to approach various aspects of the truth movement.
Looking back and trying to summarise the overarching themes I feel could be negative and definitely affected me, the main thing I would focus on would be the manipulation of people's minds.
Now I can see why some may say that I am not qualified to talk about the mind seeing as I have a damaged one but I hope to show that having to focus on the inner workings of my own consciousness can lead to a deeper understanding of what the mind can do. There is of course a down side which is why I am not able to make frequent or current events related posts. Mainly because I am not a journalist, avid news watcher or trying to drastically change people's opinions. The other reason is I simply can't handle large tasks right now as it takes its toll on my mind which is still recovering.
This is a bit of a block when it comes to creativity and especially writing if I have to completely disconnect from the outside world when things get too much. I am prone to shutting down and I have to try and regain control over my thoughts and allow them to flow naturally again. In short I may post for a while, disappear and reappear in a frantic manner but I hope that I can document the specifics and relay the information in a way that mirrors the psychological issues that I feel are related to the truth movement.
For example in the next post I am struggling to get written down, I plan to examine the subject of mind control. Specifically #MKUltra and by drawing upon examples from my own personal problems gaining control over my own mind, try to reach a conclusion about the veracity of claims that the government has the ability to make a mind controlled soldier or slave.
To find out what the #CIA has officially disclosed about their own #mindcontrol experiments check out this #ABC documentary. I uploaded it to preserve it after I cleaned it up and attempted to repair the audio sync issues.
Hopefully I will have the next post up soon without it destroying me in the process so I hope I've explained that I am not here to just make one post then leave or attack anyone's views. Just finding my feet here and in real life...