Bizarre fetishes have recently become a topic of interest following greater exposure to the niches of society available to be seen through television and, especially, the internet. But perhaps none is so bizarre as the fatal attraction of Nate Silverdog, 36, who after living in the closet for his entire life has finally come out and announced his plan to wed his beloved day-of-the-week, Monday. Reporters from IBS News managed to catch up with Mr. Silverdog, who had this to say.
Nate: "I've been like this ever since I can remember. When I was a young kid, of course, I didn't care. I barely even knew what day it was. But when I hit puberty, and my peers started noticing each other, guys and girls... Well, I knew I was different."
Reporter asks: How did you realize you were sexually attracted to Monday?
Nate: "Ah, just hearing the name gives me tingles. I don't know exactly when I first realized. I guess it was always sort of apparent, all the other kids in school hated those mornings after the week-end. But I just loved them. I mean, really, really, loved them."
R: Were you ever teased for your attraction?
Nate: "Well, it never really came up. People thought I was gay a lot, because I never had crushes on any of the girls. But in college, where being gay was a lot more accepted, people just didn't know what to make of me I guess. But then again by then people just leave you alone, really. I had a few close friends I talked to about it. But nobody ever really understood."
R: And what made you decide to finally marry Monday?
Nate: "Well, with the rise of the internet I did manage to contact some people who were like me. Thankfully nobody else loved Monday the way I did. That would have been bad. But people were marrying all kinds of things, toasters, fences, merry-go-rounds. Some people even had sex with cars, giving and receiving. So it really put my mind at ease and made me feel normal."
R: Do your parents know about your sexuality?
Nate: "They do now. They're pretty understanding, as far as they can be. My dad is actually a pop-tart, so I think that helped ease the tension a little. They know what its like to have their love misunderstood by the world at large."
R: So have you ever dated any...one else?
Nate: "No, I've been saving myself for Monday. I'm still totally a virgin, I don't even masturbate."
Our reporters also managed to catch up with the highly elusive Monday, tackling the aloof jour down for a rare interview.
"Nate has always been special to me. Very few humans can really relate to me, on a day-to-day level. Nate always just understood. And he knows what it's like to be an outcast. Some people think the days are all the same, but if you think about it it's pretty clear we're all very different. I think I'm like Nate in a lot of ways. People don't like me, but that's only because they really like the few days leading up to me, so I guess I'm a disappointment or something. It can be very hard. Sometimes I even get 'a case of the Mondays,' which is really depressing since my name is becoming synonymous with general depression. Luckily though I have friends who will kick your ass just for saying something like that. It's people like that that help me get through the week."
There is even talk of a movie being made to honour what some people are referring to as the "greatest love story of the internet age." When asked to verify the rumours, Monday revealed:
"Ha-ha, yes, people have asked us about a movie. I'm just thinking about the wedding right now, but it's a very real possibility. Daniel Day-Lewis has expressed interest in playing the role [of Monday], which is a dream come true for me. I really don't see how anyone else could even try to pull off a role as ambitious as that."
The wedding is tentatively set to take place Sunday, August 20, just after 11:59:59pm. Due to the possibility of unsupportive wedding crashers, the location is not being disclosed.
-IBS News