Hello Hive Community! 
It wasn't until March 18, 2016 that Grief rocked my entire world.
If you read my intro post, you learned that my dad passed away from pancreatic cancer, which not only changed my life emotionally but also my entire life's structure and lifestyle. Dad was more than "Dad" he was everyone's go-to... for advice, for household repairs, for help, for friendship, for a life coach, as an educator, and most importantly as Dad and Papa. Dad very seldom told anyone no, he would figure out how he could help them or point them in the direction they should go to get the help. My dad was remarkable and sometimes unbelievable.
In my intro post, I shared he defeated cancer 3 times! Even with the 4th round of cancer, he defeated the odds. His life expectancy was 3 months he lived a year. During that year he still fixed things around the house, did for himself, help me during pregnancy while watching after my 3 other babies, once the baby was born, he watched him daily once I returned to work. He continued to be there for his siblings as they needed him and support everyone to the best of his ability.
As a young girl, his one and only child, there was nothing I wanted for and he was the true definition of a husband and father. He provided, protected, and loved unconditionally. He not only displayed this at home but at work as an educator. There wasn't a time I visited him at work or we happened to run into one of his students and they were full of accolades and praises of his "tough love" and dedication to their success. Upon his passing, which we tried to keep private, upon his request, but it was impossible. There was an outpouring of inboxes from his former students sharing life-changing memories they had with him. That was truly remarkable.
Dad's biggest success was becoming PaPa...hands down the best! I know others may say the same, but I know for a fact he was.
Whatever needed to be done for his grandbabies, he made sure it got done. He was retired when I had my first child and he would not have it any other way than for him to be her caretaker when I went to work. He not only cared for her, but educated her, built memories, and instilled manners and morals into her. She was by far one sharp little girl. From that point on he cared for every baby I had until he physically was incapable of caring for them which was about 6 weeks before he passed.
So Grief (sigh)...it was an ugly, nasty, unbearable monster on March 18, 2016. My whole world shattered into a million pieces at first sight of my dad's lifeless body, but in that moment I saw peace in his face...peace from long-suffering of physical pain. To see a man full of life and always in motion to lifeless was devastating....that's putting it extremely mild. This moment forced me to grow up to a new level when I thought I already was.
I drowned in depression for nearly 5 years with trying to cope with this, not knowing that this was not all bad. It was so hard...still is.
However, I finally began to reflect on the memories, the life lessons, the times of discipline, and the time in ICU when he told me, "I've given you all I can and all I know to give...you will be just fine."
It wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I realized that grief is a celebration! Yes a celebration!!! How can you experience grief without love, without memories, without life lessons...merely impossible.
These are the reasons we grieve because we were blessed enough to build a strong relationship with a loved one that is irreplaceable, and full of memories. Isn't that something to celebrate? For me yes, what if I didn't have these memories to lean on, the life lessons to pull from...this is what made me who I am. So now my grief looks different, I still have my moments of tears, but I do my best to celebrate Dad in how I live my life and share about how awesome he is! I tried to ignore memories for years because it made me emotional, but those memories keep our relationship alive and allow me to still connect with him.
Be thankful for grief, embrace your memories, and hold on to them. Grief isn't all bad...it's actually a blessing in disguise.
