This isn't about a pentagon shaped driving range captured from the rooftop of a hotel somewhere outside Las Vegas, Nevada.
It's not about sex on the beach, either, which is a cocktail as well as the result of a potentially irritable and extremely sensitive skin discomfort.
It's about getting away with murder.
Don't murder someone you know. Law enforcement will conduct an investigation and ask questions. They'll do things like interview people closest to the victim by going through their text messages and social media. If you've ever engaged in conversation with them either in real life or virtually, you'll likely make the suspect list and subject yourself to interrogation. Your murder victim should be random.
Don't do it in public. With the number of CCTV cameras lurking around, odds are you'll be captured on camera either during the crime, before, or while fleeing the scene. Your best chance at avoiding video surveillance is by murdering your random victim in the privacy of their own home. Also, eye witness testimony can be damaging. Avoid the possibility of neighbors detecting you by doing all of your breaking and entering through the rear of the home at night.
Surgical gloves and facial disguise. Each are mandatory and should be worn at all times but that doesn't erase the possibility of leaving behind DNA evidence. In order to ensure you leave no trace evidence behind, shave off all of your body hair with a razor prior to committing the murder. Head to toe, all of it, even your eyebrows.
Wear the wrong size shoes. Crime scene investigators will document foot tracks outside the residence at point of entry. Purchase a brand new pair of shoes to be worn during the homicide only and get a size or two larger than your normal foot size.
Tyvek coveralls. It's a full-body jumpsuit to be worn over your clothing commonly worn by hazardous material handlers. Duct tape the sleeves to your gloves and legs to your socks preventing any possibility of your body sweat contaminating the scene.
Purchase supplies with cash only. No plastic transactions to avoid leaving behind an identifying paper trail. Use common sense when purchasing single-use murder supplies to be burned immediately afterward and raise your hand if you think I watch too many true crime documentaries.
"Guilty!"
There's no shortage of them either. Every night there's a new one about a husband who killed his wife or married guy who killed his pregnant mistress. There's Australian narrators, English narrators, American narrators, and they're all covering different murder cases from all around the world. I've never seen the same episode twice. There's an abundance of solved and unsolved murders waiting to be watched, it's how I fall asleep. I gave it a rest a couple months ago.
Lately I've been watching doorbell cam footage, seen any of those? Punch 𝚌𝚛𝚊𝚣𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚖 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚎 into your YouTube search bar or 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚜 if you haven't already and prepare to see shit you wouldn't believe had it not been recorded. I'm already getting into repeats, though, damn criminals! It didn't take long for them to begin recognizing doorbell cams prior to attempting to commit a crime and instead are filmed hurriedly vacating the property.
So now that I'm on repeat doorbell cam footage and recently decided against falling asleep to true crime documentaries because I'm confident I can beat murder charges, I switched up my bedtime programming. We don't have a TV, haven't since about 2016, these are the types of stimulating content I put on the iPad while laying in bed to assure some quality rest.
Z z z z z
I figure there's no better time than now to sharpen up my litigation expertise. Since beating murder charges is a cinch and I know what to look for as far as doorbell and peep hole cams, I've been falling asleep lately while tuning up my courtroom skills by tuning in to Judge Judy.
G'night!