"The last time he changed his bedsheets? Probably sometime during the Mameluk era."
Efrat, April 14 - A local mother alerted the Israel Antiquities Authority today upon discovering what could only be ancient treasures under the detritus and dust in her adolescent son's domicile, the Jerusalem Post reported today.
Hannah Cohen, 42, contacted the IAA shortly after beginning the task of cleaning Adir Cohen's room in advance of the Passover holiday, which begins Monday evening next week. "The moment I saw the amount of dust accumulated on the furniture and some of the other stuff in the room, I knew I had to call in some experts. I didn't want to disturb anything of value," she told the Post.
Cohen disclosed that she repeatedly admonished Adir to clean his room over the last year. "Might as well have been asking Palestinian terrorists not to rape and murder," she lamented with a shake of the head.
Antiquities Authority representatives declined to say whether any of the objects from the bedroom qualify as artifacts. "It is certainly too early to announce anything," cautioned IAA spokesman T. Peshesray. "We do not wish to make any premature pronouncements, not least because it would invite scavengers and unwelcome guests unlikely to show proper care and reverence for the site. We do not want them poking around where other finds might still await discovery. Also, Mrs. Cohen will chew their ears off, and not just about leaving the room a mess. So it's for everyone's benefit that we make our investigations first, and, only once we are certain of the provenance of various artifacts, notify that public whether we have found anything of note."
In a separate phone call, Hannah Cohen described the process that led her to contact the IAA. "I wasn't prepared for the bardak I found," she recalled, using a word for turmoil, adopted into informal Hebrew from Russian, that literally translates as "whorehouse on fire." "The food wrappers and dirty dishes were bad enough. But do you know the last time he changed his bedsheets? Probably sometime during the Mameluk era (1260-1516). I might have to throw them out."
"Don't even get me started on the laundry and dirt," she continued, clearly not in need of someone to get her started. "It was the dirt and dust that made me think of calling the Antiquities Authority in the first place. I know this place was clean a year ago, but you wouldn't know it from looking at it now. I swear, that boy and his stuff attract dirt at a hundred times the normal dust accumulation rate. The Ark of the Covenant could be under there somewhere, if it weren't in some Nevada warehouse."
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