Under the Rim. An epic galactic romp.
I have always considered a "real" poem should have Rhyme, Rhythm and Reason, namely:
- The lines should properly rhyme
- There should be a regular metre or metres
- The meaning should be clear enough to regular people
I wrote this epic poem over a few months in 1979, mostly on the backs of envelopes sitting in a coffee shop in East Grinstead (UK) on Saturday mornings. The original aim was to write 1000 verses, but I wrapped it up after 184 when it was getting harder and harder to do more. Scientific accuracy was never as important as the fun. I came up with the title -- and an adjusted first line -- while literally scrubbing under a toilet rim: it kinda seemed appropriate.
It is sometimes convenient for commentators to have numbered verses, as in "Hey, in verse 104 you mix tenses a lot. Why did you do that?" But it looks odd to number each verse, so I'll just break it into chunks of 10 verses, not too hard to number a particular verse if needed.
Under the Rim
From Under the Rim of Galaxy Nine
Sped a cruiser with hell on its tail
In the form of the horde of the Grey Overlord
Before whom even demons would quail
On the flank of the ship was a horror of space
An inexorable drinker of blood
A veritable vampire as some silly damn liar
Had called it, the perjuring crud
"Tor B" it was known, this devourer of souls
This glutton of spaceways cuisine
Some went insane at the sound of its name
Some just threw up and went green
Tor B is a hole, a galactic trash-can
Built billions and billions of years prior
In which nothing exists, no atoms can kiss
In that mass-crushing gravitic fire
"Undaunted" the cruiser was called by its crew
A rough bunch all desperate but good
Their Cap'n was rougher, more desperate and tougher
Eyes glinting like space-heroes' should
His crime was to love the Grey Overlord's mistress
A beautiful girl named Callester
And to take her away for an aeon and a day
From the Overlord's clutches he wrest' her
“Ahoy Cap'n, Tor B, we're getting too close!”
Screamed a crewman in obvious terror
Though she inwardly cussed, Callester had trust
In her Cap'n who was just trying to scare 'er
“Hold yer course!” yelled the Cap'n as a resolute smile
Made knots in the oak of his face
He would put his pursuer as a rat in a sewer
In the channel best fitting his race
Tor B now shone brilliant, a most deadly hazard
The fire deep inside could be seen
But burning yet hotter now the Cap'n had got her
Was the fire of the Overlord's queen
She was tall and green-eyed with a full-breasted figure
And golden hair piled on high
What man could resist her once he had kissed her
And felt her curl up found his thigh?
Verses 11-20
She stared at the chasm with fear in her eye
And back at her lover with fire
But he had to vanquish his foe most dankish
Before he could quench his desire
She stared at the Cap'n with lust in her eye
Her heart all tied up in a knot …
But that is enough of this mish-mushy stuff
Now let us get back to the plot
The Grey Fleet was coming, and reaching far our
With its weapon of doom and destruction
One touch of that beam through the hard-driven screen
Would end off the ongoing seduction
But the screen was designed well and held up to all
That the pursuing fleet could muster
Callest' turned her eye to the Gulf which was nigh
Then a God-awful shock near concussed 'er
The screen had gone down for the veriest moment
The wall-shield in part had been riven
By the corpse-making beam of the Overlord's team
When the drive units briefly weren't driven
Great chunks of bare metal went flying about
And the air was chock-full of debris
Everyone ducked before they got
Sucked out the ship as the airflow went wheeeeee
Cascades of hot copper poured onto the deck
And writhed their way over the floor
To the mate's consternation – "It's his cleaning station"
Grinned the Cap'n with a drink in his paw
A real cool feller with his head set on right
Was the Cap'n when he was hard-pressed
And he slugged back his drink with nary a blink
At the blood dripping out of his chest
But the damage was slight and repairs were soon made
To his chest and the floor and the shipment
And soon Callester found much to int'rest her
Regarding the Capn's equipment
The Undaunted bore on, Tor B in her sights
With the Grey Overlord still back of her
The pilot was sure to avoid the great maw
By his skill one could see he'd the knack of her
To be continued...
